Day by day I live into my new role as a custodial parent. When I "made my move" to have my son live with me, I did so with the understanding that life as the two of us knew it would change and that there would be challenges, be it academic, behavioral or otherwise.
Those challenges have begun to present themselves as The Boy struggles in Spanish, a class which is the equivalent of a Level I high school course. I don't think it's that much of a stretch to say that L.'s study habits have been nominal at best in year's past (a bone of contention I've had with his mother), so to take on a course this comprehensive is proving to be a challenge. Concurrently, I've been dealing with a teenager with some attitude problems. I should have seen the teenage angst coming, but I imagine there's no way to prepare for it until it happens. We seem to be testing each other now which would be far more entertaining if it wasn't my own son. I don't "do" the hard, disciplinary parent role very well; I do remember what it was like being 13 years old and questioning everything. I am also sympathetic to the fact that he is in a new school making new friends and barely hears from his family in MN. That being said, I am also not that naive as to not see that The Boy may be trying to use my sympathy to his advantage. After all, he is his father's son.
***************************************************************************
Earlier this week I met with my band and advised that my increased parental role left me with little time to write, rehearse and perform, certainly not at the level that we started out at and hoped to increase. Rather than take a break, we all agreed it was best for me to walk away. No harm, no foul.
***************************************************************************
Apparently I am among the small minority of people who were let down by last night's My Bloody Valentine show at the Aragon. It had been a good 10+ years since I'd been in the venue (my last show there was I believe The Chemical Brothers back in 1997?) and I really hoped the atrocious sound would have improved. WRONG. Known for their ear-splitting live shows, MBV brought their insane volume and dozens upon dozens of effects pedals, only to have it all sucked up in the Aragon's cavernous sound. The band needs to avoid this shithole like the plague their next time around...if there is a next time.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Somewhere between asleep and dreaming
Sleep eludes me. Rather, I currently do not possess the desire to climb into bed even though I promised myself I'd get back to a minimum of 7 hours of sleep per night. I'm getting to that point in my listlessness where the songs end as soon as they begin (what I'm remembering of the new Bloc Party sounded pretty good).
It's difficult for me at times like this not to live in my head at least for a little bit, though rather than worry about shit that hasn't happened yet, I feel more at peace than ever before. The Boy turned 13 over the weekend and we had a nice relaxing day, complete with a trip to Best Buy for some Xbox games. This weekend my mom and stepdad are hosting a small little party for the boyo. This will be the first time the family's seen my wife since we got married so needless to say I'm quite excited. From what I've been told-directly and indirectly-wedded bliss suits me well.
Earlier tonight I attended Curriculum Night at The Boy's school. Talk about surreal-not only am I getting to do things such as this as the custodial parent that I've longed to do, I end up running into people I used to work with in high school (Hi, we used to work together at Jewel...oh my GOD, you used to bag for me!!). I felt this incredible sense of pride walking through the halls of my son's school. I realize we are barely three weeks into the school year, but I already predict big things for him.
Zzz...it appears I have the desire to go to bed now...
It's difficult for me at times like this not to live in my head at least for a little bit, though rather than worry about shit that hasn't happened yet, I feel more at peace than ever before. The Boy turned 13 over the weekend and we had a nice relaxing day, complete with a trip to Best Buy for some Xbox games. This weekend my mom and stepdad are hosting a small little party for the boyo. This will be the first time the family's seen my wife since we got married so needless to say I'm quite excited. From what I've been told-directly and indirectly-wedded bliss suits me well.
Earlier tonight I attended Curriculum Night at The Boy's school. Talk about surreal-not only am I getting to do things such as this as the custodial parent that I've longed to do, I end up running into people I used to work with in high school (Hi, we used to work together at Jewel...oh my GOD, you used to bag for me!!). I felt this incredible sense of pride walking through the halls of my son's school. I realize we are barely three weeks into the school year, but I already predict big things for him.
Zzz...it appears I have the desire to go to bed now...
Monday, August 25, 2008
The inevitable confrontation (and other thoughts)
Remember my fear of shit getting ugly with my ex in my last blog? Well shut my mouth and call me Nostradamus, because that's exactly what happened earlier last week.
I e-mailed J. the necessary documents for her to sign, the Agreed Order as well as the Parenting Agreement and while I assumed she'd have questions, I didn't anticipate the blowup that it became. After her call to Liam (her first since he came back August 7th), she called me to tell me she had some "questions" about some of the provisions. Basically she began to raffle off all the reasons she was going to refuse to sign the documents ("I'm not paying child support when I have two other kids and don't have a client base built up at my new job"-I'm sorry, did that stop you from demanding money when I was out of work or working some shitty temp job?). To sit there and tell me she was going to refuse to pay support when I was now going to have The Boy the majority of the year was too much to keep in and in a second, 10+ years of frustration came out at once. I told her I'd go to court over this if that's what it came to and when she threatened to come down and pick him up, a week before the start of school, I mentioned she might not want to take him across state lines again as she never obtained a court order to take him to MN in the first place. All of a sudden, I was the asshole who didn't understand how hard it was for a mother to let her son go. Contrary to what others think (and really, like I give a fuck), I'm a pretty compassionate guy, but I unloaded onto my ex after that. For the better part of a decade I put up with her unwillingness to meet halfway on virtually anything, from dropoffs and pickups (after the first year, I always had to drive out to do both, and I can't count how many times I drove halfway to one location, only to be told they'd be at her in-laws) to her unwillingness to compromise when it came down to education-namely, when my son struggled, J. was always too buy to sit down with him and help. Oh, and attempting to ground him from seeing me when he misbehaved? Yeah, that was shitty.
When all was said and done, the docs were signed and faxed and the originals overnighted. I don't feel bad about the blowup because shit had been building for a loooong time and it was time for the ex to know that I wasn't going to roll over anymore. She can take her "trial run" with custody and shove it up her ass.
*************************************************************************************
Friday was the four year anniversary of losing Dad and in remembrance, The Boy and I, along with my brother and mom visited the cemetery, having lunch with our grandmother beforehand. I was touched when I found out my brother had routinely bought 5 roses at every visit to Dad's grave, one for each of us-myself, my son, my mom, himself and my middle brother who he has not spoken to since the wake. Kinda gives me hope that maybe, just maybe, they'll reconcile the petty shit that drove them apart in the first place.
*************************************************************************************
That same day I picked the car up; thankfully it did not need a new clutch after all, though it was tough to part with $500.00 for the repairs it did need.
*************************************************************************************
The more time I spend here in Park Ridge, the more I fall in love with it. Everything from the downtown area to the proximity of family (so far, so unintrusive). A few more pieces of furniture and I just might start having people over.
I e-mailed J. the necessary documents for her to sign, the Agreed Order as well as the Parenting Agreement and while I assumed she'd have questions, I didn't anticipate the blowup that it became. After her call to Liam (her first since he came back August 7th), she called me to tell me she had some "questions" about some of the provisions. Basically she began to raffle off all the reasons she was going to refuse to sign the documents ("I'm not paying child support when I have two other kids and don't have a client base built up at my new job"-I'm sorry, did that stop you from demanding money when I was out of work or working some shitty temp job?). To sit there and tell me she was going to refuse to pay support when I was now going to have The Boy the majority of the year was too much to keep in and in a second, 10+ years of frustration came out at once. I told her I'd go to court over this if that's what it came to and when she threatened to come down and pick him up, a week before the start of school, I mentioned she might not want to take him across state lines again as she never obtained a court order to take him to MN in the first place. All of a sudden, I was the asshole who didn't understand how hard it was for a mother to let her son go. Contrary to what others think (and really, like I give a fuck), I'm a pretty compassionate guy, but I unloaded onto my ex after that. For the better part of a decade I put up with her unwillingness to meet halfway on virtually anything, from dropoffs and pickups (after the first year, I always had to drive out to do both, and I can't count how many times I drove halfway to one location, only to be told they'd be at her in-laws) to her unwillingness to compromise when it came down to education-namely, when my son struggled, J. was always too buy to sit down with him and help. Oh, and attempting to ground him from seeing me when he misbehaved? Yeah, that was shitty.
When all was said and done, the docs were signed and faxed and the originals overnighted. I don't feel bad about the blowup because shit had been building for a loooong time and it was time for the ex to know that I wasn't going to roll over anymore. She can take her "trial run" with custody and shove it up her ass.
*************************************************************************************
Friday was the four year anniversary of losing Dad and in remembrance, The Boy and I, along with my brother and mom visited the cemetery, having lunch with our grandmother beforehand. I was touched when I found out my brother had routinely bought 5 roses at every visit to Dad's grave, one for each of us-myself, my son, my mom, himself and my middle brother who he has not spoken to since the wake. Kinda gives me hope that maybe, just maybe, they'll reconcile the petty shit that drove them apart in the first place.
*************************************************************************************
That same day I picked the car up; thankfully it did not need a new clutch after all, though it was tough to part with $500.00 for the repairs it did need.
*************************************************************************************
The more time I spend here in Park Ridge, the more I fall in love with it. Everything from the downtown area to the proximity of family (so far, so unintrusive). A few more pieces of furniture and I just might start having people over.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
One of those days
Yep, I'm stuck here at work today until 5pm and have no desire to be productive. I have a schedule to create and e-mails to answer and...I don't much care to do either.
Fortune didn't smile so much as snicker at me last night mere blocks from my work in River North. As I put the car in first gear, the clutch stuck to the floor would not let up unless I kicked it up from behind. Not good. 60 some odd minutes and $130.00 lighter (stupid me does not have towing attached to my insurance), I await a call from a recommended transmission shop for an estimate.
This, of course, could not have come at a worse time as I've just sunk money toward a lawyer's retainer to assist with modifying the custodial agreement I have with The Boy's mom. Though my ex and I have a verbal agreement that The Boy will stay with me this school year, neither his school nor I wanted to take any chances so all this needs to be legally documented. I can't shake the feeling that this will soon get ugly (perfect timing, too, with school starting on the 26th). For over 9-1/2 years my ex has made virtually all the calls regarding our son and in the eyes of the law maintained full custody (in 1999 I could barely take care of myself, let alone a then three year old). The Boy's made it obvious he'd rather live with me, at least while school is in session, and at this point I can provide for him just as much as his mother can. I'm doing my best not to project, but man...it's tough.
Plans tonight include seeing the new Star Wars film, The Clone Wars. I don't hold out much hope as I'm no fan of the CGI animation, but who knows-I may be pleasantly surprised.
Tomorrow, The Boy and I are going to see if this new Legoland Discovery Center is as awesome as it looks. I certainly hope so! Hoping to spend some "qt" with my wife later that evening as I need to...er, relieve some stress. Yeah, that's it...
Fortune didn't smile so much as snicker at me last night mere blocks from my work in River North. As I put the car in first gear, the clutch stuck to the floor would not let up unless I kicked it up from behind. Not good. 60 some odd minutes and $130.00 lighter (stupid me does not have towing attached to my insurance), I await a call from a recommended transmission shop for an estimate.
This, of course, could not have come at a worse time as I've just sunk money toward a lawyer's retainer to assist with modifying the custodial agreement I have with The Boy's mom. Though my ex and I have a verbal agreement that The Boy will stay with me this school year, neither his school nor I wanted to take any chances so all this needs to be legally documented. I can't shake the feeling that this will soon get ugly (perfect timing, too, with school starting on the 26th). For over 9-1/2 years my ex has made virtually all the calls regarding our son and in the eyes of the law maintained full custody (in 1999 I could barely take care of myself, let alone a then three year old). The Boy's made it obvious he'd rather live with me, at least while school is in session, and at this point I can provide for him just as much as his mother can. I'm doing my best not to project, but man...it's tough.
Plans tonight include seeing the new Star Wars film, The Clone Wars. I don't hold out much hope as I'm no fan of the CGI animation, but who knows-I may be pleasantly surprised.
Tomorrow, The Boy and I are going to see if this new Legoland Discovery Center is as awesome as it looks. I certainly hope so! Hoping to spend some "qt" with my wife later that evening as I need to...er, relieve some stress. Yeah, that's it...
Monday, August 11, 2008
Reunions
The Boy has been home and here with me since Friday night, a couple of weeks earlier than expected but a welcome surprise nonetheless. We've made some progress on the unpacking front, getting his room in some semblance of order. He seems pleased with the new digs.
Running low (read: next to nothing) when it came to kitchen supplies, we made a trip out to Wal-Mart (yes, WAL-MART. Me neither.) and grabbed a cookware set along with some stuff for the bathroom. Maybe it was because I hadn't really cooked anything in over a year and a half (and maybe that was because I was a lazy bastard), but I actually got a thrill out of getting some of that shopping done. Could I have become The Domesticated Narcissist?
My wife also got in this weekend, and with her living out in Wheaton for the next several months while we both prepare our kids for the eventual co-habitation, we didn't get to nearly spend as much time together tonight as we had hoped. Trust me, though, we made use of what time we did have...whew!
To say that I am ecstatic tonight does not give the word justice. I have everything I want-finally-and as unconventional as some of this may seem, it sure beats my old life of weekend fatherhood and relationship settling. I fucking hated sitting by while my son was virtually ignored in a female-dominated household; all that time spent dating people I had no business being with when my heart belonged to someone else. I know that it took going through all of that to get where I'm at today, and today I am grateful.
Running low (read: next to nothing) when it came to kitchen supplies, we made a trip out to Wal-Mart (yes, WAL-MART. Me neither.) and grabbed a cookware set along with some stuff for the bathroom. Maybe it was because I hadn't really cooked anything in over a year and a half (and maybe that was because I was a lazy bastard), but I actually got a thrill out of getting some of that shopping done. Could I have become The Domesticated Narcissist?
My wife also got in this weekend, and with her living out in Wheaton for the next several months while we both prepare our kids for the eventual co-habitation, we didn't get to nearly spend as much time together tonight as we had hoped. Trust me, though, we made use of what time we did have...whew!
To say that I am ecstatic tonight does not give the word justice. I have everything I want-finally-and as unconventional as some of this may seem, it sure beats my old life of weekend fatherhood and relationship settling. I fucking hated sitting by while my son was virtually ignored in a female-dominated household; all that time spent dating people I had no business being with when my heart belonged to someone else. I know that it took going through all of that to get where I'm at today, and today I am grateful.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Post-Lolla
Some festival highlights (non-musical):
* Hang time with Lipini. Always a good time.
* Pulled pork from...shit, I forgot the vendor!
* Playing spot-the-ex. Priceless.
* People watching/listening. Case in point: on the walk over to catch a few Iron and Wine songs, much talk concerning how "wasted" the kids (a few didn't look much older than The Boy's big sis) were going to get was overheard; also overheard, during The National some incessant babbling about how "cool" the media area was this year. Get over yourself. Additionally, I loved the sight of some of us "old guard" rocking out with their offspring.
*The walk back to the Jackson Blue Line with Flakesalot Sunday. "Shirtless dudes!!!"
*******************************************************************************
In an amazing twist of fate, both son and wife will be coming home this weekend. I can barely contain myself. My already enriched life will be overflowing with good fortune in a matter of days, and you know what? I fucking deserve it.
* Hang time with Lipini. Always a good time.
* Pulled pork from...shit, I forgot the vendor!
* Playing spot-the-ex. Priceless.
* People watching/listening. Case in point: on the walk over to catch a few Iron and Wine songs, much talk concerning how "wasted" the kids (a few didn't look much older than The Boy's big sis) were going to get was overheard; also overheard, during The National some incessant babbling about how "cool" the media area was this year. Get over yourself. Additionally, I loved the sight of some of us "old guard" rocking out with their offspring.
*The walk back to the Jackson Blue Line with Flakesalot Sunday. "Shirtless dudes!!!"
*******************************************************************************
In an amazing twist of fate, both son and wife will be coming home this weekend. I can barely contain myself. My already enriched life will be overflowing with good fortune in a matter of days, and you know what? I fucking deserve it.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Lotta Lolla
Repost from my Myspace blog
Just back from Lollapalooza. Nine Inch Nails were phenomenal as were...wait for it...Love & Rockets.
OTHER WEEKEND HIGHLIGHTS:
Radiohead-a bit too quiet, but otherwise breathtaking. I was especially happy to hear all my personal highlights from their latest album played live.
Bloc Party-solid set. I rarely give these guys a spin these days but while prepping for their set I dug out their albums and fell in love all over again.
The Gutter Twins- Greg Dulli and Mark Lanegan should need no introduction (if you don't know what bands they were in, you need to take out that shitty Spoon cd and pick up some Afghan Whigs, Twilight Singers and Screaming Trees). Simply incredible redemption songs.
MGMT-due to some eye irritation, I was distracted during most of their set so I was pretty bummed that I couldn't fully enjoy songs from a wonderful debut album. MGMT live are more prog, less electro. Never a bad thing in my book.
Witchcraft and Yeasayer both turned in amazing early afternoon performances. Broken Social Scene were even better than they were in 2006 (minus half the band), and Wilco? Sooo good. If the new jam they played was any indication of where they're headed next record, expect a (thankfully) more abrasive update of what Sky Blue Sky turned out to be.
Brand New-I've liked this band for a few years and had never caught them live. I didn't need the singer reminding me (well, the crowd) that I should be catching Explosions In The Sky. That dude was seriously bummed. Regardless, Brand New were pretty damn good.
Grizzly Bear-this was my third time seeing them in a relatively short amount of time, so I knew what to expect and was not let down.
Hit the Battles/Foals afterparty at Double Door Saturday night but by the time Foals (who were tighter than a duck's ass) were done, Old Man Buckley could barely keep his eyes open, so no Battles.
I had assumed Flogging Molly would put on a fun show, but fun doesn't even begin to describe how energetic and entertaining they turned out to be. I only wish The Boy was there to rock out with. My lil' man loves those guys, and after seeing them live so do I.
I love The National and having not seen them live until today, I was not disappointed in the slightest.
Next year's gonna be a family affair. Can they top this year's lineup?
My wishlist for Lolla 2009 (for starters):
My Bloody Valentine
Bjork
The Mars Volta
Tool
Beck
Primal Scream
Jimmy Eat World
Foo Fighters
Dropkick Murphys
The Pogues
Ryan Adams (but would prefer Whiskeytown!)
My Morning Jacket
Just back from Lollapalooza. Nine Inch Nails were phenomenal as were...wait for it...Love & Rockets.
OTHER WEEKEND HIGHLIGHTS:
Radiohead-a bit too quiet, but otherwise breathtaking. I was especially happy to hear all my personal highlights from their latest album played live.
Bloc Party-solid set. I rarely give these guys a spin these days but while prepping for their set I dug out their albums and fell in love all over again.
The Gutter Twins- Greg Dulli and Mark Lanegan should need no introduction (if you don't know what bands they were in, you need to take out that shitty Spoon cd and pick up some Afghan Whigs, Twilight Singers and Screaming Trees). Simply incredible redemption songs.
MGMT-due to some eye irritation, I was distracted during most of their set so I was pretty bummed that I couldn't fully enjoy songs from a wonderful debut album. MGMT live are more prog, less electro. Never a bad thing in my book.
Witchcraft and Yeasayer both turned in amazing early afternoon performances. Broken Social Scene were even better than they were in 2006 (minus half the band), and Wilco? Sooo good. If the new jam they played was any indication of where they're headed next record, expect a (thankfully) more abrasive update of what Sky Blue Sky turned out to be.
Brand New-I've liked this band for a few years and had never caught them live. I didn't need the singer reminding me (well, the crowd) that I should be catching Explosions In The Sky. That dude was seriously bummed. Regardless, Brand New were pretty damn good.
Grizzly Bear-this was my third time seeing them in a relatively short amount of time, so I knew what to expect and was not let down.
Hit the Battles/Foals afterparty at Double Door Saturday night but by the time Foals (who were tighter than a duck's ass) were done, Old Man Buckley could barely keep his eyes open, so no Battles.
I had assumed Flogging Molly would put on a fun show, but fun doesn't even begin to describe how energetic and entertaining they turned out to be. I only wish The Boy was there to rock out with. My lil' man loves those guys, and after seeing them live so do I.
I love The National and having not seen them live until today, I was not disappointed in the slightest.
Next year's gonna be a family affair. Can they top this year's lineup?
My wishlist for Lolla 2009 (for starters):
My Bloody Valentine
Bjork
The Mars Volta
Tool
Beck
Primal Scream
Jimmy Eat World
Foo Fighters
Dropkick Murphys
The Pogues
Ryan Adams (but would prefer Whiskeytown!)
My Morning Jacket
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