Heredity

I had that dream again
The one that reassured me that it's going to be ok
But still I'm not convinced
Not when my handle on relationships has never been more weak

The way you were removed from me
The grief I feel can consume me at its worst
I'm at the breaking point
I still can hear
All the corny jokes you used to tell
And what I wouldn't give to laugh

And I thought you saw me at my worst
I'm beaten down
I need you to help me up and offer me the guidance
That I was all too prone to ignore
You took me back and never shut the door

Do you look down and see
This broken family
And all the stress they've put on me?
Your younger sons aren't speaking now
My anniversary and all it means to me
The last time I ever heard your words

I know this isn't right
I'm cold as ice
And I could use some sound advice
I feel as though I might buckle from the weight
I carry all this guilt
I hate how you were killed

I'm trying hard to get it right
To gain perspective and insight
I'm tired of shouldering the blame
and I miss you all the same

And I miss you all the same