Penny for my petty thoughts

I must confess that all this talk I've done of "letting go" concerning certain emotional triggers has been just that-talk. I don't necessarily pride myself in this, but I am pretty good at deception, and if I tell enough people my trumped up version of the truth...hell, even I start to believe it. The fact is I still harbor a bit of resentment toward certain people and places (primarily the former). It's not as if I am holding on to old feelings or carrying some sort of torch. Far from it-I look back on the past several weeks and wonder why I put myself through what I did, and when my last relationship ended, I wondered if I was ever going to find myself in a healthy one ever again. Since then I've approached my interactions with the opposite sex with some amount of hesitation and I've presumed that any flirting was harmless enough. I'd also assumed anyone at least remotely attractive was gonna be insane on some level. As for sex, forget it. Guess what? Men can fake it just was well as women can (ok, barring the last...er, indiscretion-that was hot.)

Since last weekend, though, something shifted; perhaps it was the new friendships forged at Riot Fest. I do know that something clicked at last week's therapy session, this sense if truly wanting to let go and move forward. Part one involved setting up this afternoon's date-a nice, simple meeting in the suburbs over lunch. Nothing intense, and that was such a relief. Based on how our date ended, I imagine there will be a follow up in the near future.

I can't let go if I continue to browse blogs and other sites for "dirt". It's pathetic and childish and I really do have better things to do with my time than to read some blown up recollection of what ended my last relationship. If hanging on to "hard evidence" will make my ex sleep better at night, then have at it. I will no longer concern myself with what ex-girlfriends and former friends have to say about me.

As of midnight, November 26th, 2007 I can truly say: out with the old and in with the new.