Reading my last blog entry, I can see why some have commented that I seem to have held onto a certain amount of anger toward A; I simply used that relationship (my last one before now) as a frame of reference to indicate that my reconnecting with Vegas (side note: code names to describe former/current people in my life has it's advantages; I regret my previous ridiculing on the matter. Oh, and for the record, my code name is slightly hypocritical coming from the person who bestowed the name upon me...but I digress) is (and has always been) void of any of the...trappings, shall we say, that ultimately led to the downfall of my last relationship.
Easter with the family came and went with little fanfare. My stepuncle is inching closer and closer to dementia, much to the consternation of my stepdad. So many lists with filled with names written down and thrown away; my stepuncle got up several times over the course of dinner to rummage through the trash to find a list of actors from Casablanca. We were told to just ignore him when he asked questions related to his lists. So sad. After eating like a champ, I promptly passed out on the couch, to be awoken be the jumping of my lovely stepniece as the kids all opened up their goodie bags.
No practice this week, so I really need to get these damn taxes done. Procrastination always bites me in the ass. I'm giving some thought to catching Howlin Rain at the Empty Bottle on Thursday night and getting a group together for dinner at Kuma's on Friday. Bring on the working week.
PS. Listen to Yeasayer. You'll thank me later
Monday, March 24, 2008
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Viva, etc.
I booked my flight and hotel to Vegas for next month, not exactly impulsively but nonetheless exciting as D. and I truly want this more than anything. We've done so much talking, clearing the air and purging any guilt that we may have had over the years. I listened and accepted and forgave and she did the same (I divulged everything, including the pregnancy). I can see in hindsight what I've missed in a relationship and I see that everyone I've been with has been compared to her. You know how when you're with someone and in the midst of sex you may occasionally think of someone else? I never thought of anyone else when I was with D. and she became that "someone else" much more than "occasionally" in each subsequent relationship. With D., I've never felt the urge to get up in the midst of dinner and leave out of frustration; I've never had to physically remove her from a doorway to so that I can leave and calm down. There has never a battle over control with her; she gets along famously with my friends and if left alone, she could make conversation and never gripe about being "marginalized".
In short, I've gotten back what I've missed over the past 2 years and I plan on making damn sure I don't make the same mistake again.
In short, I've gotten back what I've missed over the past 2 years and I plan on making damn sure I don't make the same mistake again.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Lazy Saturday
I need to think about getting motivated today. Getting my taxes done, for one. Then again, it's hard to peel myself off the couch when I didn't get home until after 3:00am. Last night, ZTS played waaaay out in Barrington, supporting a "horror rock" band that Precision has recorded and befriended. The two openers were friends of hours and didn't disappoint. I'd like to consider myself fairly open-minded when it comes to music, but I am hard pressed to find anything positive to say about last night's headliners. We played pretty well, I thought, and we seemed to win a few more fans over.
After my weekend with The Boy ended, I sat down with his mom and stepdad to discuss the changes due to take place. It was decided that L. will stay with them until early August, regardless whether or not their house is sold and they head to MN. He'll be flown up to MN and back one weekend a month once school starts and will be spending summer with them as well. As far as the living arrangements go, my days here in scenic Mayfair are numbered, and I will be moving up to Park Ridge, if not Des Plaines (possible condo offer through a bandmate) mid-summer.
Vegas' visit was brief but wonderful. So much so, that we've decided to give the relationship another try, visiting each other on a semi-regular basis until she moves back at the end of the year. In recent weeks, we've unloaded quit a bit on each other, overturning every stone no matter how painful. With all cards out, we realized neither wanted to run away and so here we are.
After my weekend with The Boy ended, I sat down with his mom and stepdad to discuss the changes due to take place. It was decided that L. will stay with them until early August, regardless whether or not their house is sold and they head to MN. He'll be flown up to MN and back one weekend a month once school starts and will be spending summer with them as well. As far as the living arrangements go, my days here in scenic Mayfair are numbered, and I will be moving up to Park Ridge, if not Des Plaines (possible condo offer through a bandmate) mid-summer.
Vegas' visit was brief but wonderful. So much so, that we've decided to give the relationship another try, visiting each other on a semi-regular basis until she moves back at the end of the year. In recent weeks, we've unloaded quit a bit on each other, overturning every stone no matter how painful. With all cards out, we realized neither wanted to run away and so here we are.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Overdue update
Here I am at 1:30 AM listening to The Warlocks when I should be sleeping-Vegas' flight arrives in 4 hours. We seem to be settling into a good place and she's treated herself to trip home to see me and her family. We owe it to ourselves to spend some time together.
Jesus, where to begin? I suppose I should start with the most significant news of all, that The Boy will be living with me permanently come June of this year. My ex's husband was given a promotion and an offer to run a pharmacy in St. Paul, MN and The Boy was given the choice on where he'd wish to live. He chose Chicago. Of course life as I have been living it will change-no more random shows mid week for one-and that's ok. I've wanted this more than anything and I've got the support of family and friends while I make the necessary adjustments. One such change will be a move out of the city, up Northwest to ideally Park Ridge as the public schools in that area are far better than those in Chicago. I'd love it if I can get into some sort of house rental situation or perhaps I can finally put a down payment on a condo of my own.
On the band front, things are getting better and better. We had our first out of town trek this past weekend (to Wisconsin) where I got my first taste of how the other guys'd behave. For starters, The Fin appears to be the band whiner; Lk the buffoon-came close to breaking his nose when he drunkenly woke me up just as I fell asleep. Earlier that week Precision and I were interviewed on Q101 which was not terribly awkward. More reps from Q101 were at last Friday's show at The Note and asked if we'd be interested in playing a local showcase, most likely at Metro. We'll see where that goes. The EP is selling briskly; 100 cd's sold out via online orders in just under 3 days. Guess we are on a roll after all.
Jesus, where to begin? I suppose I should start with the most significant news of all, that The Boy will be living with me permanently come June of this year. My ex's husband was given a promotion and an offer to run a pharmacy in St. Paul, MN and The Boy was given the choice on where he'd wish to live. He chose Chicago. Of course life as I have been living it will change-no more random shows mid week for one-and that's ok. I've wanted this more than anything and I've got the support of family and friends while I make the necessary adjustments. One such change will be a move out of the city, up Northwest to ideally Park Ridge as the public schools in that area are far better than those in Chicago. I'd love it if I can get into some sort of house rental situation or perhaps I can finally put a down payment on a condo of my own.
On the band front, things are getting better and better. We had our first out of town trek this past weekend (to Wisconsin) where I got my first taste of how the other guys'd behave. For starters, The Fin appears to be the band whiner; Lk the buffoon-came close to breaking his nose when he drunkenly woke me up just as I fell asleep. Earlier that week Precision and I were interviewed on Q101 which was not terribly awkward. More reps from Q101 were at last Friday's show at The Note and asked if we'd be interested in playing a local showcase, most likely at Metro. We'll see where that goes. The EP is selling briskly; 100 cd's sold out via online orders in just under 3 days. Guess we are on a roll after all.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Every Day Is Like Sunday
I really need to get interested in doing laundry today, but looking outside, all I feel like doing is laying down on the couch and watching the Extras dvd I rented from Netflix. This morning's view has the look of...I don't know, just dread-like everyone outside is staring down at their shuffling feet as they struggle to get from one place to another, struggling to find the inspiration to interact with one another.
Headed to the Metro solo last night to catch Super Furry Animals. To the uninformed, take a pre-Soft Bulletin Flaming Lips and cross them with the Beach Boys and you'll get the idea. Compared to the extravaganza that was their last Chicago show, I was a bit underwhelmed, but I did read ahead of time that they'd be scaling back the stage show. Musically, they did their best to cover every album released since their debut in 1996 so the breadth of material was indeed vast. Support band Times New Viking seem to be riding some sort of buzz band wave as they've been mentioned everywhere. Maybe it was just last night, but their "lo-fi 'til we die" approach grew tiresome pretty quickly.
Friday night saw me playing in the South Loop again, this time with the mighty Pegboy. A. made it out (most likely because she didn't have to pay, hahaha), and having not seen her in close to 6 months, looked better than ever (that's a free compliment, the next one'll cost ya!). That night I'm sure I was way too critical for my own good, but I was not impressed with my performance onstage. Subtle nuances in certain songs were fluffed and I thought I ate shit on our last song, an 88FL "cover" (the irony was not lost on the fact that a very gracious Mr. Rise Against came out to the show). Nevertheless, I was stoked to get the chance to play with one of my favorite punk bands and look forward to our upcoming show at The Note on 2/29.
Vegas has been more or less in the picture for a few months now, and even more so the past few weeks. Call it nostalgia, or the fact that she heard the song I wrote about her, but she's come back in a big way. It's hard not to get caught up in the history of what made us so great without thinking of what drove us apart. Then again, why is it that we continue to find each other even after not speaking for several months? I hate thinking about that too much, so for now I'll just enjoy the ride, knowing at some point I'll jump out before hitting the wall. I'll be doing my best to keep the pining to a minimum (so far so good).
Headed to the Metro solo last night to catch Super Furry Animals. To the uninformed, take a pre-Soft Bulletin Flaming Lips and cross them with the Beach Boys and you'll get the idea. Compared to the extravaganza that was their last Chicago show, I was a bit underwhelmed, but I did read ahead of time that they'd be scaling back the stage show. Musically, they did their best to cover every album released since their debut in 1996 so the breadth of material was indeed vast. Support band Times New Viking seem to be riding some sort of buzz band wave as they've been mentioned everywhere. Maybe it was just last night, but their "lo-fi 'til we die" approach grew tiresome pretty quickly.
Friday night saw me playing in the South Loop again, this time with the mighty Pegboy. A. made it out (most likely because she didn't have to pay, hahaha), and having not seen her in close to 6 months, looked better than ever (that's a free compliment, the next one'll cost ya!). That night I'm sure I was way too critical for my own good, but I was not impressed with my performance onstage. Subtle nuances in certain songs were fluffed and I thought I ate shit on our last song, an 88FL "cover" (the irony was not lost on the fact that a very gracious Mr. Rise Against came out to the show). Nevertheless, I was stoked to get the chance to play with one of my favorite punk bands and look forward to our upcoming show at The Note on 2/29.
Vegas has been more or less in the picture for a few months now, and even more so the past few weeks. Call it nostalgia, or the fact that she heard the song I wrote about her, but she's come back in a big way. It's hard not to get caught up in the history of what made us so great without thinking of what drove us apart. Then again, why is it that we continue to find each other even after not speaking for several months? I hate thinking about that too much, so for now I'll just enjoy the ride, knowing at some point I'll jump out before hitting the wall. I'll be doing my best to keep the pining to a minimum (so far so good).
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Caught in the grip of a sinking ship.
Yes, I titled my latest blog entry after one of my own lyrics. I get to do that because I am...modest. Tonight wrapped up 4 days of recording the first proper ZTS demo, and not a moment too soon as we play with Pegboy this Friday (an All Ages one at that-yay kids!).
Sleep has been in short supply as of late. I've been restless, but not too irritable or discontent. I am used to hitting the pillow no later than 1:00 AM on most days but lately have been drifting off closer to 3:00 AM, and in the case of this past Friday night, up until 5:00 AM. I'd love to know what's causing this.
Evidently M. and I are no longer friends. She's denied it had anything to do with my not wanting to explore a romantic relationship with her, but it seems like opening up to her about past relationships and my desire to want to mend fences with some of them was too much for her. Oh, and apparently I was supposed to be mad at whoever she was/is mad at. Sorry, I prefer playing Switzerland than to get caught up in yet another woman's petty drama.
Ok, forget what I said about not really being irritable or discontent.
Sleep has been in short supply as of late. I've been restless, but not too irritable or discontent. I am used to hitting the pillow no later than 1:00 AM on most days but lately have been drifting off closer to 3:00 AM, and in the case of this past Friday night, up until 5:00 AM. I'd love to know what's causing this.
Evidently M. and I are no longer friends. She's denied it had anything to do with my not wanting to explore a romantic relationship with her, but it seems like opening up to her about past relationships and my desire to want to mend fences with some of them was too much for her. Oh, and apparently I was supposed to be mad at whoever she was/is mad at. Sorry, I prefer playing Switzerland than to get caught up in yet another woman's petty drama.
Ok, forget what I said about not really being irritable or discontent.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Recording, Day One: Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly
Tonight after work began the first of three vocals sessions for the proposed ZTS demo. I'd not been over to Precision's family's house in close to 9 years, when 88FL still practiced there. I'd been a bit anxious in the days leading up to the studio-the usual fears of thrashing my voice or the general insecurities surrounding the songs themselves. Are they that good? The difference between going over songs in the studio as opposed to belting them out in a live setting is striking; thankfully, it didn't take more than a run-through of the first tracked song to convince myself that this band is most definitely onto something. Tonight we worked on "The Will", written about my alcoholic bottom, as well as "Catastrophe Awaits", a song written in the immensely frustrating first few days of Autumn.
From this past Friday through this afternoon, I've been able to reconnect with some old friends in the program. The embarrassment of the past several months having subsided, I reached out and let such friends know I'd been thinking of them. I can't honestly tell you when and if I will ever walk into another AA meeting, but it's important for me to stay connected with people who came into my life and made it that much more rewarding.
From this past Friday through this afternoon, I've been able to reconnect with some old friends in the program. The embarrassment of the past several months having subsided, I reached out and let such friends know I'd been thinking of them. I can't honestly tell you when and if I will ever walk into another AA meeting, but it's important for me to stay connected with people who came into my life and made it that much more rewarding.
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