Last night's reheated dinner did not sit well and as a result, I was in no shape to do much of anything for much of today. By 8 PM, though, cabin fever set in and I found myself at the nearby Borders. Over a mocha (what else?) and a few magazines, I began my ritual. As much as I enjoy nights like this when I can just do my own thing, I also felt incredibly lonely. Perhaps this was an afterthought of last night's goodbye; perhaps it had something to do with the couples all around the cafe. I sometimes long for the kind of woman I can walk into a place like Borders with and not speak a word to-just knowing they are across from me would be sufficient. Unfortunately that's just not possible at this point in my life and when I'm not cursing myself for my...er, emotional retardation (really? I'm hard on myself?), I'm pretty OK with that.
Being the music sponge that I am, I've been reading up on the anniversary of Bob Marley's Exodus, this year being its 30th anniversary. Consequently, I've been on a dub kick as of late. Something about the reverb and the emphasis on heavy bass is very soothing (no, I am not high, but I can totally see how dub music can enhance that feeling). At this point it beats listening to music that reminds me of what a shitty boyfriend I can be (there he goes again, Mr. Self Deprecation).
Sunday can't come soon enough.
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1 comment:
WHy would it be emotional retardation??? It's good that you know what kind of relationship you want, and I'm sure you'll find it......maybe even at a Borders!!!
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