Day by day I live into my new role as a custodial parent. When I "made my move" to have my son live with me, I did so with the understanding that life as the two of us knew it would change and that there would be challenges, be it academic, behavioral or otherwise.
Those challenges have begun to present themselves as The Boy struggles in Spanish, a class which is the equivalent of a Level I high school course. I don't think it's that much of a stretch to say that L.'s study habits have been nominal at best in year's past (a bone of contention I've had with his mother), so to take on a course this comprehensive is proving to be a challenge. Concurrently, I've been dealing with a teenager with some attitude problems. I should have seen the teenage angst coming, but I imagine there's no way to prepare for it until it happens. We seem to be testing each other now which would be far more entertaining if it wasn't my own son. I don't "do" the hard, disciplinary parent role very well; I do remember what it was like being 13 years old and questioning everything. I am also sympathetic to the fact that he is in a new school making new friends and barely hears from his family in MN. That being said, I am also not that naive as to not see that The Boy may be trying to use my sympathy to his advantage. After all, he is his father's son.
***************************************************************************
Earlier this week I met with my band and advised that my increased parental role left me with little time to write, rehearse and perform, certainly not at the level that we started out at and hoped to increase. Rather than take a break, we all agreed it was best for me to walk away. No harm, no foul.
***************************************************************************
Apparently I am among the small minority of people who were let down by last night's My Bloody Valentine show at the Aragon. It had been a good 10+ years since I'd been in the venue (my last show there was I believe The Chemical Brothers back in 1997?) and I really hoped the atrocious sound would have improved. WRONG. Known for their ear-splitting live shows, MBV brought their insane volume and dozens upon dozens of effects pedals, only to have it all sucked up in the Aragon's cavernous sound. The band needs to avoid this shithole like the plague their next time around...if there is a next time.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Somewhere between asleep and dreaming
Sleep eludes me. Rather, I currently do not possess the desire to climb into bed even though I promised myself I'd get back to a minimum of 7 hours of sleep per night. I'm getting to that point in my listlessness where the songs end as soon as they begin (what I'm remembering of the new Bloc Party sounded pretty good).
It's difficult for me at times like this not to live in my head at least for a little bit, though rather than worry about shit that hasn't happened yet, I feel more at peace than ever before. The Boy turned 13 over the weekend and we had a nice relaxing day, complete with a trip to Best Buy for some Xbox games. This weekend my mom and stepdad are hosting a small little party for the boyo. This will be the first time the family's seen my wife since we got married so needless to say I'm quite excited. From what I've been told-directly and indirectly-wedded bliss suits me well.
Earlier tonight I attended Curriculum Night at The Boy's school. Talk about surreal-not only am I getting to do things such as this as the custodial parent that I've longed to do, I end up running into people I used to work with in high school (Hi, we used to work together at Jewel...oh my GOD, you used to bag for me!!). I felt this incredible sense of pride walking through the halls of my son's school. I realize we are barely three weeks into the school year, but I already predict big things for him.
Zzz...it appears I have the desire to go to bed now...
It's difficult for me at times like this not to live in my head at least for a little bit, though rather than worry about shit that hasn't happened yet, I feel more at peace than ever before. The Boy turned 13 over the weekend and we had a nice relaxing day, complete with a trip to Best Buy for some Xbox games. This weekend my mom and stepdad are hosting a small little party for the boyo. This will be the first time the family's seen my wife since we got married so needless to say I'm quite excited. From what I've been told-directly and indirectly-wedded bliss suits me well.
Earlier tonight I attended Curriculum Night at The Boy's school. Talk about surreal-not only am I getting to do things such as this as the custodial parent that I've longed to do, I end up running into people I used to work with in high school (Hi, we used to work together at Jewel...oh my GOD, you used to bag for me!!). I felt this incredible sense of pride walking through the halls of my son's school. I realize we are barely three weeks into the school year, but I already predict big things for him.
Zzz...it appears I have the desire to go to bed now...
Monday, August 25, 2008
The inevitable confrontation (and other thoughts)
Remember my fear of shit getting ugly with my ex in my last blog? Well shut my mouth and call me Nostradamus, because that's exactly what happened earlier last week.
I e-mailed J. the necessary documents for her to sign, the Agreed Order as well as the Parenting Agreement and while I assumed she'd have questions, I didn't anticipate the blowup that it became. After her call to Liam (her first since he came back August 7th), she called me to tell me she had some "questions" about some of the provisions. Basically she began to raffle off all the reasons she was going to refuse to sign the documents ("I'm not paying child support when I have two other kids and don't have a client base built up at my new job"-I'm sorry, did that stop you from demanding money when I was out of work or working some shitty temp job?). To sit there and tell me she was going to refuse to pay support when I was now going to have The Boy the majority of the year was too much to keep in and in a second, 10+ years of frustration came out at once. I told her I'd go to court over this if that's what it came to and when she threatened to come down and pick him up, a week before the start of school, I mentioned she might not want to take him across state lines again as she never obtained a court order to take him to MN in the first place. All of a sudden, I was the asshole who didn't understand how hard it was for a mother to let her son go. Contrary to what others think (and really, like I give a fuck), I'm a pretty compassionate guy, but I unloaded onto my ex after that. For the better part of a decade I put up with her unwillingness to meet halfway on virtually anything, from dropoffs and pickups (after the first year, I always had to drive out to do both, and I can't count how many times I drove halfway to one location, only to be told they'd be at her in-laws) to her unwillingness to compromise when it came down to education-namely, when my son struggled, J. was always too buy to sit down with him and help. Oh, and attempting to ground him from seeing me when he misbehaved? Yeah, that was shitty.
When all was said and done, the docs were signed and faxed and the originals overnighted. I don't feel bad about the blowup because shit had been building for a loooong time and it was time for the ex to know that I wasn't going to roll over anymore. She can take her "trial run" with custody and shove it up her ass.
*************************************************************************************
Friday was the four year anniversary of losing Dad and in remembrance, The Boy and I, along with my brother and mom visited the cemetery, having lunch with our grandmother beforehand. I was touched when I found out my brother had routinely bought 5 roses at every visit to Dad's grave, one for each of us-myself, my son, my mom, himself and my middle brother who he has not spoken to since the wake. Kinda gives me hope that maybe, just maybe, they'll reconcile the petty shit that drove them apart in the first place.
*************************************************************************************
That same day I picked the car up; thankfully it did not need a new clutch after all, though it was tough to part with $500.00 for the repairs it did need.
*************************************************************************************
The more time I spend here in Park Ridge, the more I fall in love with it. Everything from the downtown area to the proximity of family (so far, so unintrusive). A few more pieces of furniture and I just might start having people over.
I e-mailed J. the necessary documents for her to sign, the Agreed Order as well as the Parenting Agreement and while I assumed she'd have questions, I didn't anticipate the blowup that it became. After her call to Liam (her first since he came back August 7th), she called me to tell me she had some "questions" about some of the provisions. Basically she began to raffle off all the reasons she was going to refuse to sign the documents ("I'm not paying child support when I have two other kids and don't have a client base built up at my new job"-I'm sorry, did that stop you from demanding money when I was out of work or working some shitty temp job?). To sit there and tell me she was going to refuse to pay support when I was now going to have The Boy the majority of the year was too much to keep in and in a second, 10+ years of frustration came out at once. I told her I'd go to court over this if that's what it came to and when she threatened to come down and pick him up, a week before the start of school, I mentioned she might not want to take him across state lines again as she never obtained a court order to take him to MN in the first place. All of a sudden, I was the asshole who didn't understand how hard it was for a mother to let her son go. Contrary to what others think (and really, like I give a fuck), I'm a pretty compassionate guy, but I unloaded onto my ex after that. For the better part of a decade I put up with her unwillingness to meet halfway on virtually anything, from dropoffs and pickups (after the first year, I always had to drive out to do both, and I can't count how many times I drove halfway to one location, only to be told they'd be at her in-laws) to her unwillingness to compromise when it came down to education-namely, when my son struggled, J. was always too buy to sit down with him and help. Oh, and attempting to ground him from seeing me when he misbehaved? Yeah, that was shitty.
When all was said and done, the docs were signed and faxed and the originals overnighted. I don't feel bad about the blowup because shit had been building for a loooong time and it was time for the ex to know that I wasn't going to roll over anymore. She can take her "trial run" with custody and shove it up her ass.
*************************************************************************************
Friday was the four year anniversary of losing Dad and in remembrance, The Boy and I, along with my brother and mom visited the cemetery, having lunch with our grandmother beforehand. I was touched when I found out my brother had routinely bought 5 roses at every visit to Dad's grave, one for each of us-myself, my son, my mom, himself and my middle brother who he has not spoken to since the wake. Kinda gives me hope that maybe, just maybe, they'll reconcile the petty shit that drove them apart in the first place.
*************************************************************************************
That same day I picked the car up; thankfully it did not need a new clutch after all, though it was tough to part with $500.00 for the repairs it did need.
*************************************************************************************
The more time I spend here in Park Ridge, the more I fall in love with it. Everything from the downtown area to the proximity of family (so far, so unintrusive). A few more pieces of furniture and I just might start having people over.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
One of those days
Yep, I'm stuck here at work today until 5pm and have no desire to be productive. I have a schedule to create and e-mails to answer and...I don't much care to do either.
Fortune didn't smile so much as snicker at me last night mere blocks from my work in River North. As I put the car in first gear, the clutch stuck to the floor would not let up unless I kicked it up from behind. Not good. 60 some odd minutes and $130.00 lighter (stupid me does not have towing attached to my insurance), I await a call from a recommended transmission shop for an estimate.
This, of course, could not have come at a worse time as I've just sunk money toward a lawyer's retainer to assist with modifying the custodial agreement I have with The Boy's mom. Though my ex and I have a verbal agreement that The Boy will stay with me this school year, neither his school nor I wanted to take any chances so all this needs to be legally documented. I can't shake the feeling that this will soon get ugly (perfect timing, too, with school starting on the 26th). For over 9-1/2 years my ex has made virtually all the calls regarding our son and in the eyes of the law maintained full custody (in 1999 I could barely take care of myself, let alone a then three year old). The Boy's made it obvious he'd rather live with me, at least while school is in session, and at this point I can provide for him just as much as his mother can. I'm doing my best not to project, but man...it's tough.
Plans tonight include seeing the new Star Wars film, The Clone Wars. I don't hold out much hope as I'm no fan of the CGI animation, but who knows-I may be pleasantly surprised.
Tomorrow, The Boy and I are going to see if this new Legoland Discovery Center is as awesome as it looks. I certainly hope so! Hoping to spend some "qt" with my wife later that evening as I need to...er, relieve some stress. Yeah, that's it...
Fortune didn't smile so much as snicker at me last night mere blocks from my work in River North. As I put the car in first gear, the clutch stuck to the floor would not let up unless I kicked it up from behind. Not good. 60 some odd minutes and $130.00 lighter (stupid me does not have towing attached to my insurance), I await a call from a recommended transmission shop for an estimate.
This, of course, could not have come at a worse time as I've just sunk money toward a lawyer's retainer to assist with modifying the custodial agreement I have with The Boy's mom. Though my ex and I have a verbal agreement that The Boy will stay with me this school year, neither his school nor I wanted to take any chances so all this needs to be legally documented. I can't shake the feeling that this will soon get ugly (perfect timing, too, with school starting on the 26th). For over 9-1/2 years my ex has made virtually all the calls regarding our son and in the eyes of the law maintained full custody (in 1999 I could barely take care of myself, let alone a then three year old). The Boy's made it obvious he'd rather live with me, at least while school is in session, and at this point I can provide for him just as much as his mother can. I'm doing my best not to project, but man...it's tough.
Plans tonight include seeing the new Star Wars film, The Clone Wars. I don't hold out much hope as I'm no fan of the CGI animation, but who knows-I may be pleasantly surprised.
Tomorrow, The Boy and I are going to see if this new Legoland Discovery Center is as awesome as it looks. I certainly hope so! Hoping to spend some "qt" with my wife later that evening as I need to...er, relieve some stress. Yeah, that's it...
Monday, August 11, 2008
Reunions
The Boy has been home and here with me since Friday night, a couple of weeks earlier than expected but a welcome surprise nonetheless. We've made some progress on the unpacking front, getting his room in some semblance of order. He seems pleased with the new digs.
Running low (read: next to nothing) when it came to kitchen supplies, we made a trip out to Wal-Mart (yes, WAL-MART. Me neither.) and grabbed a cookware set along with some stuff for the bathroom. Maybe it was because I hadn't really cooked anything in over a year and a half (and maybe that was because I was a lazy bastard), but I actually got a thrill out of getting some of that shopping done. Could I have become The Domesticated Narcissist?
My wife also got in this weekend, and with her living out in Wheaton for the next several months while we both prepare our kids for the eventual co-habitation, we didn't get to nearly spend as much time together tonight as we had hoped. Trust me, though, we made use of what time we did have...whew!
To say that I am ecstatic tonight does not give the word justice. I have everything I want-finally-and as unconventional as some of this may seem, it sure beats my old life of weekend fatherhood and relationship settling. I fucking hated sitting by while my son was virtually ignored in a female-dominated household; all that time spent dating people I had no business being with when my heart belonged to someone else. I know that it took going through all of that to get where I'm at today, and today I am grateful.
Running low (read: next to nothing) when it came to kitchen supplies, we made a trip out to Wal-Mart (yes, WAL-MART. Me neither.) and grabbed a cookware set along with some stuff for the bathroom. Maybe it was because I hadn't really cooked anything in over a year and a half (and maybe that was because I was a lazy bastard), but I actually got a thrill out of getting some of that shopping done. Could I have become The Domesticated Narcissist?
My wife also got in this weekend, and with her living out in Wheaton for the next several months while we both prepare our kids for the eventual co-habitation, we didn't get to nearly spend as much time together tonight as we had hoped. Trust me, though, we made use of what time we did have...whew!
To say that I am ecstatic tonight does not give the word justice. I have everything I want-finally-and as unconventional as some of this may seem, it sure beats my old life of weekend fatherhood and relationship settling. I fucking hated sitting by while my son was virtually ignored in a female-dominated household; all that time spent dating people I had no business being with when my heart belonged to someone else. I know that it took going through all of that to get where I'm at today, and today I am grateful.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Post-Lolla
Some festival highlights (non-musical):
* Hang time with Lipini. Always a good time.
* Pulled pork from...shit, I forgot the vendor!
* Playing spot-the-ex. Priceless.
* People watching/listening. Case in point: on the walk over to catch a few Iron and Wine songs, much talk concerning how "wasted" the kids (a few didn't look much older than The Boy's big sis) were going to get was overheard; also overheard, during The National some incessant babbling about how "cool" the media area was this year. Get over yourself. Additionally, I loved the sight of some of us "old guard" rocking out with their offspring.
*The walk back to the Jackson Blue Line with Flakesalot Sunday. "Shirtless dudes!!!"
*******************************************************************************
In an amazing twist of fate, both son and wife will be coming home this weekend. I can barely contain myself. My already enriched life will be overflowing with good fortune in a matter of days, and you know what? I fucking deserve it.
* Hang time with Lipini. Always a good time.
* Pulled pork from...shit, I forgot the vendor!
* Playing spot-the-ex. Priceless.
* People watching/listening. Case in point: on the walk over to catch a few Iron and Wine songs, much talk concerning how "wasted" the kids (a few didn't look much older than The Boy's big sis) were going to get was overheard; also overheard, during The National some incessant babbling about how "cool" the media area was this year. Get over yourself. Additionally, I loved the sight of some of us "old guard" rocking out with their offspring.
*The walk back to the Jackson Blue Line with Flakesalot Sunday. "Shirtless dudes!!!"
*******************************************************************************
In an amazing twist of fate, both son and wife will be coming home this weekend. I can barely contain myself. My already enriched life will be overflowing with good fortune in a matter of days, and you know what? I fucking deserve it.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Lotta Lolla
Repost from my Myspace blog
Just back from Lollapalooza. Nine Inch Nails were phenomenal as were...wait for it...Love & Rockets.
OTHER WEEKEND HIGHLIGHTS:
Radiohead-a bit too quiet, but otherwise breathtaking. I was especially happy to hear all my personal highlights from their latest album played live.
Bloc Party-solid set. I rarely give these guys a spin these days but while prepping for their set I dug out their albums and fell in love all over again.
The Gutter Twins- Greg Dulli and Mark Lanegan should need no introduction (if you don't know what bands they were in, you need to take out that shitty Spoon cd and pick up some Afghan Whigs, Twilight Singers and Screaming Trees). Simply incredible redemption songs.
MGMT-due to some eye irritation, I was distracted during most of their set so I was pretty bummed that I couldn't fully enjoy songs from a wonderful debut album. MGMT live are more prog, less electro. Never a bad thing in my book.
Witchcraft and Yeasayer both turned in amazing early afternoon performances. Broken Social Scene were even better than they were in 2006 (minus half the band), and Wilco? Sooo good. If the new jam they played was any indication of where they're headed next record, expect a (thankfully) more abrasive update of what Sky Blue Sky turned out to be.
Brand New-I've liked this band for a few years and had never caught them live. I didn't need the singer reminding me (well, the crowd) that I should be catching Explosions In The Sky. That dude was seriously bummed. Regardless, Brand New were pretty damn good.
Grizzly Bear-this was my third time seeing them in a relatively short amount of time, so I knew what to expect and was not let down.
Hit the Battles/Foals afterparty at Double Door Saturday night but by the time Foals (who were tighter than a duck's ass) were done, Old Man Buckley could barely keep his eyes open, so no Battles.
I had assumed Flogging Molly would put on a fun show, but fun doesn't even begin to describe how energetic and entertaining they turned out to be. I only wish The Boy was there to rock out with. My lil' man loves those guys, and after seeing them live so do I.
I love The National and having not seen them live until today, I was not disappointed in the slightest.
Next year's gonna be a family affair. Can they top this year's lineup?
My wishlist for Lolla 2009 (for starters):
My Bloody Valentine
Bjork
The Mars Volta
Tool
Beck
Primal Scream
Jimmy Eat World
Foo Fighters
Dropkick Murphys
The Pogues
Ryan Adams (but would prefer Whiskeytown!)
My Morning Jacket
Just back from Lollapalooza. Nine Inch Nails were phenomenal as were...wait for it...Love & Rockets.
OTHER WEEKEND HIGHLIGHTS:
Radiohead-a bit too quiet, but otherwise breathtaking. I was especially happy to hear all my personal highlights from their latest album played live.
Bloc Party-solid set. I rarely give these guys a spin these days but while prepping for their set I dug out their albums and fell in love all over again.
The Gutter Twins- Greg Dulli and Mark Lanegan should need no introduction (if you don't know what bands they were in, you need to take out that shitty Spoon cd and pick up some Afghan Whigs, Twilight Singers and Screaming Trees). Simply incredible redemption songs.
MGMT-due to some eye irritation, I was distracted during most of their set so I was pretty bummed that I couldn't fully enjoy songs from a wonderful debut album. MGMT live are more prog, less electro. Never a bad thing in my book.
Witchcraft and Yeasayer both turned in amazing early afternoon performances. Broken Social Scene were even better than they were in 2006 (minus half the band), and Wilco? Sooo good. If the new jam they played was any indication of where they're headed next record, expect a (thankfully) more abrasive update of what Sky Blue Sky turned out to be.
Brand New-I've liked this band for a few years and had never caught them live. I didn't need the singer reminding me (well, the crowd) that I should be catching Explosions In The Sky. That dude was seriously bummed. Regardless, Brand New were pretty damn good.
Grizzly Bear-this was my third time seeing them in a relatively short amount of time, so I knew what to expect and was not let down.
Hit the Battles/Foals afterparty at Double Door Saturday night but by the time Foals (who were tighter than a duck's ass) were done, Old Man Buckley could barely keep his eyes open, so no Battles.
I had assumed Flogging Molly would put on a fun show, but fun doesn't even begin to describe how energetic and entertaining they turned out to be. I only wish The Boy was there to rock out with. My lil' man loves those guys, and after seeing them live so do I.
I love The National and having not seen them live until today, I was not disappointed in the slightest.
Next year's gonna be a family affair. Can they top this year's lineup?
My wishlist for Lolla 2009 (for starters):
My Bloody Valentine
Bjork
The Mars Volta
Tool
Beck
Primal Scream
Jimmy Eat World
Foo Fighters
Dropkick Murphys
The Pogues
Ryan Adams (but would prefer Whiskeytown!)
My Morning Jacket
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Eight Four Seven
Christ, look at all these boxes. Sitting here in my very spacious living area, to my right I have way too many boxes of cd's and cd stands for one man to have; to my left lie some miscellaneous books and a box of linens...
Ok, enough. Shit will get done when it gets done. I can't believe how much I lucked out with this condo. Finally, a place where I'm not too embarrassed to have friends and family over!
In the end, the move here actually did contribute to a significant amount of sadness, especially when I went back to clean up my old apartment. Sweeping up a place so deserted brought me back to those last few minutes in my father's house, wondering if I'll be able to retain all those memories of him and my time spent there. I wasn't really able to decompress until I spent my first night here this past Monday. There's a part of me that still feels a bit raw emotionally, and I've been a little short with my wife as a result. In spite of that, I'm able to talk about it with her with an ease I've never felt with any other woman.
Thinking ahead a few days to Lollapalooza 2008, I really hope this weekend is not another repeat of the inferno that was Lolla 2005. I'm on deck to attend two aftershows this weekend that I hope I can remain awake for (The Gutter Twins on Friday and Battles/Foals Saturday). How old do I sound?
Ok, enough. Shit will get done when it gets done. I can't believe how much I lucked out with this condo. Finally, a place where I'm not too embarrassed to have friends and family over!
In the end, the move here actually did contribute to a significant amount of sadness, especially when I went back to clean up my old apartment. Sweeping up a place so deserted brought me back to those last few minutes in my father's house, wondering if I'll be able to retain all those memories of him and my time spent there. I wasn't really able to decompress until I spent my first night here this past Monday. There's a part of me that still feels a bit raw emotionally, and I've been a little short with my wife as a result. In spite of that, I'm able to talk about it with her with an ease I've never felt with any other woman.
Thinking ahead a few days to Lollapalooza 2008, I really hope this weekend is not another repeat of the inferno that was Lolla 2005. I'm on deck to attend two aftershows this weekend that I hope I can remain awake for (The Gutter Twins on Friday and Battles/Foals Saturday). How old do I sound?
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Small world? Maybe not.
The apartment is 90% packed up, save for the little dinner/silverware I have and my closets which remain full of clothes on hangers. I'm hoping to get the keys from the condo owner tomorrow so I may begin to load my stuff in the new digs and head down to Day 2 of the Wicker Park Fest.
Earlier today I met up with McFlakesalot and caught Prefuse 73 at the fest. While she's made a concerted effort to put herself out there and interact after months of...well, keeping to herself, I got the feeling abstract hip hop/electronica was not her thing and I couldn't help but wish I was there with my wife instead. Playing wingman for a woman who won't talk to anyone is a mundane job indeed.
After a trip to Quimby's and then Reckless I bid adieu to "the flake" and headed over to Subterranean where Texas had a spot +1 for us (courtesy of Decibel Magazine). Sober now 3 months, TX shared that she's committed to staying drink-free but isn't sure if the program is right for her. She then showed me pics of some new AA friends on her iPhone, one of whom was a woman I dated for a few months back in 2006. Oh boy. As if that wasn't odd enough, I ran into another old AA acquaintance who, like several other people I found out, really thought I had gotten married, that I quit my band and moved to Las Vegas to be with my new wife (so I'm 1 for 3 on that April Fool's joke).
This run-in, combined with an earlier reunion this week with more AA folks at the Empty Bottle and a few e-mail exchanges with my old sponsor has me thinking I'm being dangled some sort of sober carrot. Who knows?
**********************************************************************************
Before I forget, Step Brothers is a crude, insensitive, absolutely gut bustingly hilarious movie and Will Ferrell's best work since Anchorman.
As you were.
Earlier today I met up with McFlakesalot and caught Prefuse 73 at the fest. While she's made a concerted effort to put herself out there and interact after months of...well, keeping to herself, I got the feeling abstract hip hop/electronica was not her thing and I couldn't help but wish I was there with my wife instead. Playing wingman for a woman who won't talk to anyone is a mundane job indeed.
After a trip to Quimby's and then Reckless I bid adieu to "the flake" and headed over to Subterranean where Texas had a spot +1 for us (courtesy of Decibel Magazine). Sober now 3 months, TX shared that she's committed to staying drink-free but isn't sure if the program is right for her. She then showed me pics of some new AA friends on her iPhone, one of whom was a woman I dated for a few months back in 2006. Oh boy. As if that wasn't odd enough, I ran into another old AA acquaintance who, like several other people I found out, really thought I had gotten married, that I quit my band and moved to Las Vegas to be with my new wife (so I'm 1 for 3 on that April Fool's joke).
This run-in, combined with an earlier reunion this week with more AA folks at the Empty Bottle and a few e-mail exchanges with my old sponsor has me thinking I'm being dangled some sort of sober carrot. Who knows?
**********************************************************************************
Before I forget, Step Brothers is a crude, insensitive, absolutely gut bustingly hilarious movie and Will Ferrell's best work since Anchorman.
As you were.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Guest List
I moved into this one bedroom apartment in December 2006. My first "guest" up here later that month I'll call the Italian Princess, an old friend from the mid-90's who I was reacquainted with in December 2002 (on my first birthday sober and the day Joe Strummer died, no less). She even brought me a plant as a housewarming gift. This of course lasted barely two weeks.
At the end of 2006 and into 2007 I was visited by the future DLB, on what were primarily platonic hangouts; we never very good at keeping our hands to ourselves.
February 2007 comes along and is memorable for a variety of reasons. My first two "guests" (on separate occasions) were again old friends who I had coincidentally shared a mutual admiration with. That was fun. Later that month I met Veggie (as my co-workers coined her), and for the better part of the next 3-1/2 months she was the only guest up here, 3.5 months of the the kind of roller coaster ride that made you so nauseous, you'd swear you'd never ride it again (but ride it I did).
I can't recall any other visits in between the Veggie breakup and "reconciliation" that August, save for a surprise visit or two by her. Boundaries were crossed or blurred, choose your own term. Frustration, sexual and otherwise, played a huge role.
By late September, I was single once again and occasionally hooked up with a rather unstable woman-let's call her Red. That hookup was all sorts of dysfunctional-I made a conscious decision to stop going to meetings and she was in desperate need of more (note: contrary to the Vegan Blogosphere, these encounters-or any other encounter-never took place while in that previous relationship and unhealthy as the time with Red may have been, it never sank to the depths that the Sober Peanut Gallery alluded to).
One awkward visit from Seattle this past December made me realize that I was still searching for companionship just to have it. It was also at this time that some-hell all-of my repressed feelings for D. came back to the surface. She had set the bar so high during our relationship that any other woman I ended up with was destined for failure. Our talking began again in earnest right around Christmas last year.
Nashville paid a visit earlier this year and it was during her time here that I admitted-out loud and to her-that I was still very much in love with The Woman Now Known As DLB. The rest is well known to my loved ones.
I feel truly blessed today, and I am more than ready to leave this place. There has been a lot of selfishness, laziness (I never once had a family member over save for The Boy, though that was a favorite excuse to gain some free time last Spring and late Summer) and just plain negativity here but it has been my home for 1-1/2 years. I had plenty of Me Time here and though such time will have shifted in a matter of weeks with my son's (and subsequently my wife and stepdaughter's) arrival, such compromise is one that I am more than happy to allow.
At the end of 2006 and into 2007 I was visited by the future DLB, on what were primarily platonic hangouts; we never very good at keeping our hands to ourselves.
February 2007 comes along and is memorable for a variety of reasons. My first two "guests" (on separate occasions) were again old friends who I had coincidentally shared a mutual admiration with. That was fun. Later that month I met Veggie (as my co-workers coined her), and for the better part of the next 3-1/2 months she was the only guest up here, 3.5 months of the the kind of roller coaster ride that made you so nauseous, you'd swear you'd never ride it again (but ride it I did).
I can't recall any other visits in between the Veggie breakup and "reconciliation" that August, save for a surprise visit or two by her. Boundaries were crossed or blurred, choose your own term. Frustration, sexual and otherwise, played a huge role.
By late September, I was single once again and occasionally hooked up with a rather unstable woman-let's call her Red. That hookup was all sorts of dysfunctional-I made a conscious decision to stop going to meetings and she was in desperate need of more (note: contrary to the Vegan Blogosphere, these encounters-or any other encounter-never took place while in that previous relationship and unhealthy as the time with Red may have been, it never sank to the depths that the Sober Peanut Gallery alluded to).
One awkward visit from Seattle this past December made me realize that I was still searching for companionship just to have it. It was also at this time that some-hell all-of my repressed feelings for D. came back to the surface. She had set the bar so high during our relationship that any other woman I ended up with was destined for failure. Our talking began again in earnest right around Christmas last year.
Nashville paid a visit earlier this year and it was during her time here that I admitted-out loud and to her-that I was still very much in love with The Woman Now Known As DLB. The rest is well known to my loved ones.
I feel truly blessed today, and I am more than ready to leave this place. There has been a lot of selfishness, laziness (I never once had a family member over save for The Boy, though that was a favorite excuse to gain some free time last Spring and late Summer) and just plain negativity here but it has been my home for 1-1/2 years. I had plenty of Me Time here and though such time will have shifted in a matter of weeks with my son's (and subsequently my wife and stepdaughter's) arrival, such compromise is one that I am more than happy to allow.
Monday, July 21, 2008
Pitchfork Day 3 and then some
Eight hours at Union Park Saturday was enough to convince me I didn't need to spend as much time there on the final day of the festival. Having dogsat again in River Grove, I headed back to the apartment yesterday after a stop at Borders and napped a few hours before leaving the car near the Empty Bottle. Minutes later, I met up with McFlakesalot and we took the Ashland bus down to the fest.
Walked in just as M. Ward was starting and it only took a few minutes of that bland dreck to convince us that a walk to the merchandise area was in order. One Spiritualized shirt procured, we caught a bit of a rescheduled Ghostface and Raekwon before deciding that not only did we not want to throw our hands in the air, we truly did not care for that matter. A few texts from my old pal Minnesota and the 4 of us (now with...er, Goluckate? Graete? Come on, work with me) had a primo spot for Spiritualized. Until their set I would have laughed loudly in your face if you were to describe any music to me as "face-melting"; one hour and a killer Spacemen 3 "cover" (Spiritualized's leader's former band) later, not only was my face melted, my jaw had to be lifted from the mud. A. Maze. Ing.
Dinosaur Jr. had to have known that they'd be hard pressed to follow up such an electrifying set and though I heard some surprises (2 songs from the Lou Barlow-less lineup), I made my way out of the park after just a few songs and split a cab back to Division and Western. Upon exiting the taxi, my phone dropped on the floor and the driver bolted before I could stop him. Dammit.
My night was not over, however, as I headed into the Bottle and bore witness to the screaming psychedelic beast that is Nachtmystium, followed by some "thunder pop", courtesy of the increasingly amazing Torche. I regrettably headed out before Boris began for fear of turning into...The Narcissistic Pumpkin!
*******************************************************************************
This weekend's Wicker Park Fest looks amazing and seeing as I managed to blag my way on as a plus one for the Isis show at Subterranean, this coming weekend will be a long and loud one indeed.
Walked in just as M. Ward was starting and it only took a few minutes of that bland dreck to convince us that a walk to the merchandise area was in order. One Spiritualized shirt procured, we caught a bit of a rescheduled Ghostface and Raekwon before deciding that not only did we not want to throw our hands in the air, we truly did not care for that matter. A few texts from my old pal Minnesota and the 4 of us (now with...er, Goluckate? Graete? Come on, work with me) had a primo spot for Spiritualized. Until their set I would have laughed loudly in your face if you were to describe any music to me as "face-melting"; one hour and a killer Spacemen 3 "cover" (Spiritualized's leader's former band) later, not only was my face melted, my jaw had to be lifted from the mud. A. Maze. Ing.
Dinosaur Jr. had to have known that they'd be hard pressed to follow up such an electrifying set and though I heard some surprises (2 songs from the Lou Barlow-less lineup), I made my way out of the park after just a few songs and split a cab back to Division and Western. Upon exiting the taxi, my phone dropped on the floor and the driver bolted before I could stop him. Dammit.
My night was not over, however, as I headed into the Bottle and bore witness to the screaming psychedelic beast that is Nachtmystium, followed by some "thunder pop", courtesy of the increasingly amazing Torche. I regrettably headed out before Boris began for fear of turning into...The Narcissistic Pumpkin!
*******************************************************************************
This weekend's Wicker Park Fest looks amazing and seeing as I managed to blag my way on as a plus one for the Isis show at Subterranean, this coming weekend will be a long and loud one indeed.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
PItchfork Music Festival: Days 1 & 2
Got to Union Park Friday night and met my cousin just as Mission Of Burma were finishing up their performance of Vs. Having seen them play most of that album last year at the Double Door, I was ok missing them. Up next was Sebadoh, performing Bubble and Scrape in its entirety. Never one of my favorite Sebadoh albums, I enjoyed hearing them nonetheless. Only stuck around for a few Public Enemy songs (playing It Takes A Nation Of Millions To Hold Us Back). I was a tired puppy.
I "worked" a few hours today (server was down the entire time I was there and I didn't care to wait around) and then headed over to the park with a few minutes to spare before the always incredible Caribou played. Met up with K. and my cousin toward the end of their set and headed over to the adjacent stage to catch Fleet Foxes. After a few songs, K. and I headed over to catch Fuck Buttons whose album I love but had yet to see live (also plan on catching them again next month when they open for Mogwai. Oh yesss...!). I do like me some abrasive electronic music, the more tribal the better. Passed on Vampire Weekend and did some walking around the merchandise areas before heading over to !!!, my runner up to performance of the day. Up next was a few songs by The Hold Steady before heading over to catch Atlas Sound. By this point, humidity and fatigue set in and I spent a good portion of their set sitting down. Stayed put for a few songs by No Age (whose album debut is quite good) and then headed out to catch the one, the only, the highlight of the festival so far, Animal Collective. Holy fucking shit were they phenomenal. AC are a notoriously unpredictable live act from what I've read and their insistence on playing primarily new, unreleased songs was a testament to that. That having been said, new songs, a few of their "hit" songs and even a tune selected by a member's solo album, combined with a stunning light show made for a thoroughly enjoyable performance. I cannot recommend Animal Collective enough.
My summary so far? Pitchfork 2008 was an improvement sound-wise over last year; still not nearly enough porto-potties, and drink tickets for bottled water? Come on now.
I "worked" a few hours today (server was down the entire time I was there and I didn't care to wait around) and then headed over to the park with a few minutes to spare before the always incredible Caribou played. Met up with K. and my cousin toward the end of their set and headed over to the adjacent stage to catch Fleet Foxes. After a few songs, K. and I headed over to catch Fuck Buttons whose album I love but had yet to see live (also plan on catching them again next month when they open for Mogwai. Oh yesss...!). I do like me some abrasive electronic music, the more tribal the better. Passed on Vampire Weekend and did some walking around the merchandise areas before heading over to !!!, my runner up to performance of the day. Up next was a few songs by The Hold Steady before heading over to catch Atlas Sound. By this point, humidity and fatigue set in and I spent a good portion of their set sitting down. Stayed put for a few songs by No Age (whose album debut is quite good) and then headed out to catch the one, the only, the highlight of the festival so far, Animal Collective. Holy fucking shit were they phenomenal. AC are a notoriously unpredictable live act from what I've read and their insistence on playing primarily new, unreleased songs was a testament to that. That having been said, new songs, a few of their "hit" songs and even a tune selected by a member's solo album, combined with a stunning light show made for a thoroughly enjoyable performance. I cannot recommend Animal Collective enough.
My summary so far? Pitchfork 2008 was an improvement sound-wise over last year; still not nearly enough porto-potties, and drink tickets for bottled water? Come on now.
Monday, July 14, 2008
A great case of the Mondays
Today was semi-productive, in the sense that I registered my license plates with my new address (no sense in paying $80 for a Chicago city sticker when I'll only be a resident for roughly two more weeks); I also did some more consolidating here in the apartment and arranged for some movers for 7/28. In a perfect world, I could get some stuff moved in the weekend before (and then head to the Wicker Park Fest) but it's out of my hands-if it's meant to be it will happen.
Confirmed plans with my cousin to hang out at the Pitchfork Music Festival this coming weekend. I always felt bad we didn't hang more last year; then again, my mind was on...other things. The plan is to get to the festival in time for Sebadoh on Day 1 and as I'm working that Saturday, haul ass back there in time to catch Fleet Foxes (what old school My Morning Jacket fans wish they still sounded like, with added Beach Boys-style harmonies). Though I am still sans player, I did download iTunes to my laptop and have managed to snag quite a few releases (through Soulseek) from artists playing Pitchfork that I had a passing interest in (No Age-now that is some good shit; Cut Copy was a surprise as well). Take those artists combined with new releases from the bands I already planned on catching and I have one helluva mix). I also am nerding out to a "shuffle" of Boris, Torche and Nachtmystium, all who are playing a Pitchfork aftershow next Sunday.
The countdown until husband and wife are together for good has begun; this time next month, D. and I will make you all very, very ill with our adorable displays of affection. You've been warned.
Confirmed plans with my cousin to hang out at the Pitchfork Music Festival this coming weekend. I always felt bad we didn't hang more last year; then again, my mind was on...other things. The plan is to get to the festival in time for Sebadoh on Day 1 and as I'm working that Saturday, haul ass back there in time to catch Fleet Foxes (what old school My Morning Jacket fans wish they still sounded like, with added Beach Boys-style harmonies). Though I am still sans player, I did download iTunes to my laptop and have managed to snag quite a few releases (through Soulseek) from artists playing Pitchfork that I had a passing interest in (No Age-now that is some good shit; Cut Copy was a surprise as well). Take those artists combined with new releases from the bands I already planned on catching and I have one helluva mix). I also am nerding out to a "shuffle" of Boris, Torche and Nachtmystium, all who are playing a Pitchfork aftershow next Sunday.
The countdown until husband and wife are together for good has begun; this time next month, D. and I will make you all very, very ill with our adorable displays of affection. You've been warned.
Friday, July 11, 2008
Thinking about doing something
My apartment has a lot of crap. A LOT. While I'm really not all that anxious, I do know that this weekend will be spent tossing/packing the place. When I moved out of my dad's, I took so many things that I thought I needed for nostalgic reasons. I will keep the photos and woodwork my grandpa made; what I don't need are the clothes, the boots and most of his books.
On The Boy's last day here before heading back up to MN, we made it a point to rid ourselves of all unnecessary toys. We ended up tossing everything save his books and Xbox. All the toys of years gone by-Max Steel, Monsters Inc., Toy Story...shit, even GI Joe-trashed. Yeah, I do wish I hung on to the GI Joe stuff, but what the hell-it's not as if I'd play with them (ok, maybe every once in a while...). With all that I plan to discard, the move should be relatively stress-free...or at least not half as stressful as the move from Dad's to here.
ZTS has a show Saturday, quite likely our last for some time. A friend has expressed some interest in an official release of our EP. There's talk of issuing it on vinyl and throwing a CD-R in each sleeve. Either way, it will be nice to see the thing formally out there.
Soulseek has been very very good to me: Deerhunter-Microcastle; Nine Inch Nails pre-With Teeth discography; Beck-Modern Guilt (already a top pick for Album Of The Year), among others.
On The Boy's last day here before heading back up to MN, we made it a point to rid ourselves of all unnecessary toys. We ended up tossing everything save his books and Xbox. All the toys of years gone by-Max Steel, Monsters Inc., Toy Story...shit, even GI Joe-trashed. Yeah, I do wish I hung on to the GI Joe stuff, but what the hell-it's not as if I'd play with them (ok, maybe every once in a while...). With all that I plan to discard, the move should be relatively stress-free...or at least not half as stressful as the move from Dad's to here.
ZTS has a show Saturday, quite likely our last for some time. A friend has expressed some interest in an official release of our EP. There's talk of issuing it on vinyl and throwing a CD-R in each sleeve. Either way, it will be nice to see the thing formally out there.
Soulseek has been very very good to me: Deerhunter-Microcastle; Nine Inch Nails pre-With Teeth discography; Beck-Modern Guilt (already a top pick for Album Of The Year), among others.
Saturday, July 5, 2008
USA! USA!
Had to get that out of my system. There. ZTS played a show tonight just over the border in Salem, WI and turnout notwithstanding, I had a fairly enjoyable time. The backyard we played in-yes, you read that right-was pretty damn big. We were fourth out of five bands and by the time we went on the temperature had cooled enough that I broke out my hoodie. We've been playing a new song, officially named "Epic Epidemic", that's fun as hell to play and a bit of a departure for us.
Of course, an Independence Day show would not be complete without fireworks and while my pyro bandmates lit some off, I took the time to call my wife. Anxiety has set in with her, with the preparation and actual move and all that entails. Boy, can I relate. D. will be home August 10th, if not before. Wow, she's really moving home!
Liam is basically all registered for junior high as of this past Thursday. All that remains is a few utility bills to show proof of residency. The condo owners believe their current tenant will be out by the end of the 3rd week of this month, at the very latest that last week. I'd love to be moved in by the start of Lollapalooza weekend, but if I need to miss the first few bands on my list (Black Lips, Yeasayer), then so be it.
Of course, an Independence Day show would not be complete without fireworks and while my pyro bandmates lit some off, I took the time to call my wife. Anxiety has set in with her, with the preparation and actual move and all that entails. Boy, can I relate. D. will be home August 10th, if not before. Wow, she's really moving home!
Liam is basically all registered for junior high as of this past Thursday. All that remains is a few utility bills to show proof of residency. The condo owners believe their current tenant will be out by the end of the 3rd week of this month, at the very latest that last week. I'd love to be moved in by the start of Lollapalooza weekend, but if I need to miss the first few bands on my list (Black Lips, Yeasayer), then so be it.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Random word generator
Oh yes, it is official: effective August 1st, father and son will be in a spacious 2br condo in Park Ridge, not two minutes from the Metra stop and just over a mile from the jr. high The Boy will be attending. The couple I am renting from (their son technically owns the unit) are amazingly gracious, going so far as to suggest making payments on the security deposit as well as being incredibly understanding about my...er, less than stellar credit. They're also being kind enough to tweak the lease so that I can get the little man in district and registered for school in a timely manner. Commuting to work by train will naturally save me a shit-ton of money, though it may bring me home 30 minutes later than I'd prefer.
Roughly midway into The Boy's trip home. Monday and Tuesday, Precison, along with his girlfriend and her kids, took lil' man out and about. Today he will be home alone and yes, I'm worried slightly. Man, I need to relax-dude is almost 13! Thursday we'll more than likely head downtown for something and Friday is (nerd alert) the 2008 Chicago Comicon. I can't wait to play "spot the Klingon".
Mrs. B. was bumming over the fact that she'll be missing most of the Chicago summer festivals this year. While I'd love to take her to Lollapalooza and Pitchfork, she'll be back in time for this year's Hideout Block Party. How nice that will be-my beautiful wife with 0% drama (and no drama-induced migraines either!).
Summer 2008 is shaping up to be the best one on record. Whew.
Roughly midway into The Boy's trip home. Monday and Tuesday, Precison, along with his girlfriend and her kids, took lil' man out and about. Today he will be home alone and yes, I'm worried slightly. Man, I need to relax-dude is almost 13! Thursday we'll more than likely head downtown for something and Friday is (nerd alert) the 2008 Chicago Comicon. I can't wait to play "spot the Klingon".
Mrs. B. was bumming over the fact that she'll be missing most of the Chicago summer festivals this year. While I'd love to take her to Lollapalooza and Pitchfork, she'll be back in time for this year's Hideout Block Party. How nice that will be-my beautiful wife with 0% drama (and no drama-induced migraines either!).
Summer 2008 is shaping up to be the best one on record. Whew.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Return
Here I am, back at the apartment and slightly restless. For someone who is not the hugest fan of change, it barely took a day for me to not only get comfortable sleeping in River Grove, but in no time at all this committed cat lover took to his temporary canine ward like a bee takes to honey.
Restless still as I know I will be ensconced in Park Ridge in just a few weeks and of course I've done nothing in terms of packing. Hell, all I know is that I need to be up that way; I'm still looking at places, including a 2BR condo for rent that I'll be checking out later today. I never did much to make my present apartment all that "homely", as anyone who's popped up here within the past year and a half can attest to.
My return Northwest should only be seen as a positive change. The Boy will be in a great school district, I'm still relatively close to public transportation (which I plan on relying on more and more for work), and hell, it's an area I am comfortable with.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
In lieu of his family's cancelled trip to SC, I'm flying my son home for a week. His plane gets in early Saturday morning and I think my ex believes I bought such a ticket intentionally so she would have to get to the airport at the ungodly hour of 5:30am. He is flying as an unaccompanied minor which causes no small amount of anxiety on my end, but I figure this will be the first of many trips from here to MN, and naturally his initial flight solo will be the most worrisome.
This Saturday is Day 2 of Taste Of Randolph and I'd very much like to catch Bobby Bare Jr. and Drive-By Truckers. Guess we'll see if we're up for it. A co-worker of mine has a place just a stone's throw from the festival and will most likely meet up with us.
With the Lollapalooza's schedule finally being released this week, I've run into little to no scheduling conflicts. Rather, the main conflict (Gutter Twins vs. Foals, Broken Social Scene vs. Battles) will be solved with the Foals/Battles aftershow at Double Door. Whew. Much as I love Explosions In The Sky, I've seen them already and I refuse to miss Brand New. So there. Oh, and RATM vs. Wilco? No contest-the AT&T Stage can have all the angst/beer-fueled boneheads; I'll be seeing Wilco, thanks.
Lollapalooza (and Pitchfork Music Festival for that matter) should prove to be a different experience altogether this year as there will be zero regrets concerning who I end my nights with. There will be no kicking myself for compromising when I swore I'd never go through that again, no nagging thoughts in the midst of temporarily satisfying companionship that I am making a colossal mistake. I am fully aware that in the midst of several thousand people, I will be reminded just how small of a city Chicago is, and that's fine. If I can run into my ex-fiancee after 5 years (as I did at the Mark Kozelek show recently), I can handle anyone. Who knows? I may just find the whole thing amusing.
Restless still as I know I will be ensconced in Park Ridge in just a few weeks and of course I've done nothing in terms of packing. Hell, all I know is that I need to be up that way; I'm still looking at places, including a 2BR condo for rent that I'll be checking out later today. I never did much to make my present apartment all that "homely", as anyone who's popped up here within the past year and a half can attest to.
My return Northwest should only be seen as a positive change. The Boy will be in a great school district, I'm still relatively close to public transportation (which I plan on relying on more and more for work), and hell, it's an area I am comfortable with.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
In lieu of his family's cancelled trip to SC, I'm flying my son home for a week. His plane gets in early Saturday morning and I think my ex believes I bought such a ticket intentionally so she would have to get to the airport at the ungodly hour of 5:30am. He is flying as an unaccompanied minor which causes no small amount of anxiety on my end, but I figure this will be the first of many trips from here to MN, and naturally his initial flight solo will be the most worrisome.
This Saturday is Day 2 of Taste Of Randolph and I'd very much like to catch Bobby Bare Jr. and Drive-By Truckers. Guess we'll see if we're up for it. A co-worker of mine has a place just a stone's throw from the festival and will most likely meet up with us.
With the Lollapalooza's schedule finally being released this week, I've run into little to no scheduling conflicts. Rather, the main conflict (Gutter Twins vs. Foals, Broken Social Scene vs. Battles) will be solved with the Foals/Battles aftershow at Double Door. Whew. Much as I love Explosions In The Sky, I've seen them already and I refuse to miss Brand New. So there. Oh, and RATM vs. Wilco? No contest-the AT&T Stage can have all the angst/beer-fueled boneheads; I'll be seeing Wilco, thanks.
Lollapalooza (and Pitchfork Music Festival for that matter) should prove to be a different experience altogether this year as there will be zero regrets concerning who I end my nights with. There will be no kicking myself for compromising when I swore I'd never go through that again, no nagging thoughts in the midst of temporarily satisfying companionship that I am making a colossal mistake. I am fully aware that in the midst of several thousand people, I will be reminded just how small of a city Chicago is, and that's fine. If I can run into my ex-fiancee after 5 years (as I did at the Mark Kozelek show recently), I can handle anyone. Who knows? I may just find the whole thing amusing.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Life in the 708
Four days into my ten day stay at Precision's place in River Grove. The dog and I have become fast friends and I am happy to report I walk the dog and not the other way around. Coming into work via I 290 East sucks (45 minutes one way; yes I've been spoiled by my 20 minute morning commute from my apartment) but it is only for the next week.
My wife may be moving back earlier than we thought possible if things in DuPage County work out. She may be back as early as mid-August (yes!). In lieu of this potential job with the DPC Sheriff, I've suspended the condo hunt and will most likely rent-again-for one final year. Afterwards I may-gasp-become a resident of DuPage County. Many things to consider with that choice.
Before The Boy comes back down from MN in August, D. and I have talked about taking our own vacation to NYC. I'd love to take in a show or two at McCarren Pool (among other things) and pretend I'm in Sex and The City (um...no thanks). If nothing else, an extended weekend is certainly feasible.
Life feels good when it's spent with those that take you for who you are.
My wife may be moving back earlier than we thought possible if things in DuPage County work out. She may be back as early as mid-August (yes!). In lieu of this potential job with the DPC Sheriff, I've suspended the condo hunt and will most likely rent-again-for one final year. Afterwards I may-gasp-become a resident of DuPage County. Many things to consider with that choice.
Before The Boy comes back down from MN in August, D. and I have talked about taking our own vacation to NYC. I'd love to take in a show or two at McCarren Pool (among other things) and pretend I'm in Sex and The City (um...no thanks). If nothing else, an extended weekend is certainly feasible.
Life feels good when it's spent with those that take you for who you are.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
One year ago-some perspective
One year ago I was a very angry man. I had basically walked out on what had turned into an incredibly volatile relationship. I had come to the realization that the woman that I had met just 3 months prior (and fell for pretty damn quickly) was not someone I was fit for after all. The differences, once refreshing, had left me distant. Rather than talk things out, I did what I learned to do in the years since my father's death-I bottled up my feelings, only to explode at a moment's notice. No amount of self help books or relationship retreats were going to save that relationship.
On May 16, 2007 I received some news at was basically thought of as "the worst possible time". Upon finding out she was pregnant (by phone while at work, though I'm sure she'd rather have told me in person), my entire body began to tremble and I headed to the bathroom where I promptly threw up. I didn't remember feeling this sick when my ex-wife told me she was pregnant (at that time, I remember being numb for a little under an hour; when it really hit me that I was going to be a father, I was thrilled). Almost immediately I entered some sort of self-preservation mode. I'm not sure if we were "officially" broken up at this point but I ran with that and rather than head over to the "ex's", I kept my concert plans with friends that first night. In the days and weeks following, I admittedly made some rather feeble attempts to check in, and anytime there was the slightest bit of conflict (which there invariably was), I got angry and ran out. How I managed a trip to CA with The Boy in the midst of this is beyond me, though I did manage to basically put the pregnancy out of my mind while there. That's a talent I am not particularly proud of.
One year ago today the pregnancy was terminated. I wasn't allowed at the hospital for fear of an outburst. Can't say I blame her. I can't begin to know what it's like to go through that procedure and the grief before, during and after, but I am sad regardless. Sad at the loss and at myself for not being strong enough to offer support, no matter how small.
On May 16, 2007 I received some news at was basically thought of as "the worst possible time". Upon finding out she was pregnant (by phone while at work, though I'm sure she'd rather have told me in person), my entire body began to tremble and I headed to the bathroom where I promptly threw up. I didn't remember feeling this sick when my ex-wife told me she was pregnant (at that time, I remember being numb for a little under an hour; when it really hit me that I was going to be a father, I was thrilled). Almost immediately I entered some sort of self-preservation mode. I'm not sure if we were "officially" broken up at this point but I ran with that and rather than head over to the "ex's", I kept my concert plans with friends that first night. In the days and weeks following, I admittedly made some rather feeble attempts to check in, and anytime there was the slightest bit of conflict (which there invariably was), I got angry and ran out. How I managed a trip to CA with The Boy in the midst of this is beyond me, though I did manage to basically put the pregnancy out of my mind while there. That's a talent I am not particularly proud of.
One year ago today the pregnancy was terminated. I wasn't allowed at the hospital for fear of an outburst. Can't say I blame her. I can't begin to know what it's like to go through that procedure and the grief before, during and after, but I am sad regardless. Sad at the loss and at myself for not being strong enough to offer support, no matter how small.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Random
The Boy will be heading up to MN this Sunday as his stepdad got the paperwork he needed. This means I'll get an overnight Friday with him, dropping him off on the way to my bassist's wedding Saturday afternoon. This extended time with my son means there's only two weeks until he's back here for a week while his other family heads to SC.
Tonight while celebrating my brother's birthday, there was a heated discussion involving the way he is perceived by his nephew. Evidently my bro has been bothered that my son seems to talk to him like he's someone on the playground and not as a nephew should speak to his uncle. I felt foolish and completely oblivious in the past as I just assumed my brother was "in on the joke". No wonder he didn't get a hold of me to catch Iron Man (hell yes) or the new Indiana Jones movie (aliens? Come on now.). This situation can and must be remedied when The Boy comes to stay for good.
D. will be coming into town in October to take a test for some work in DuPage County. If all goes well, she'll be back for good by the holidays though we do plan on living separately to give her daughter time to adjust and father and son to maintain their QT together. Still, having my wife in the same state will certainly be a relief. I am so fortunate that things have been going as well as they have been since the wedding. I almost wish I married D. years ago; it certainly would have spared me some of the indignation and drama of the past couple of years. That said, I do believe I needed to fuck up in order to grow and learn from such mistakes. I am a much better person having been through all that nonsense.
With a new hardrive installed in the laptop, I am back to downloading music. Recent findings have been the new Melvins, Oceansize, some old Seaweed, the new Hold Steady and Gemma Hayes. More downloading means less stops at Reckless (duh) as I attempt to pinch every penny I can to gear up for the move. I have my work cut out for me.
Tonight while celebrating my brother's birthday, there was a heated discussion involving the way he is perceived by his nephew. Evidently my bro has been bothered that my son seems to talk to him like he's someone on the playground and not as a nephew should speak to his uncle. I felt foolish and completely oblivious in the past as I just assumed my brother was "in on the joke". No wonder he didn't get a hold of me to catch Iron Man (hell yes) or the new Indiana Jones movie (aliens? Come on now.). This situation can and must be remedied when The Boy comes to stay for good.
D. will be coming into town in October to take a test for some work in DuPage County. If all goes well, she'll be back for good by the holidays though we do plan on living separately to give her daughter time to adjust and father and son to maintain their QT together. Still, having my wife in the same state will certainly be a relief. I am so fortunate that things have been going as well as they have been since the wedding. I almost wish I married D. years ago; it certainly would have spared me some of the indignation and drama of the past couple of years. That said, I do believe I needed to fuck up in order to grow and learn from such mistakes. I am a much better person having been through all that nonsense.
With a new hardrive installed in the laptop, I am back to downloading music. Recent findings have been the new Melvins, Oceansize, some old Seaweed, the new Hold Steady and Gemma Hayes. More downloading means less stops at Reckless (duh) as I attempt to pinch every penny I can to gear up for the move. I have my work cut out for me.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Little triggers
Tonight I was set to see The Boy one last time before he headed up to MN for the summer, but due to a delay in closing their house, he is going to see through to the end of this school year in Illinois and possible another 1-2 weeks while his stepdad waits on their buyer to get all cleared up. Stoked. Speaking of financial snafus, I have some of my own to contend with based on the credit report I've read. With any luck I can work on getting some of this crap cleared in the next several weeks. What's galling to me is a delinquent child support payment from years ago. YEARS! Now I may not be the most frugal of folks, but barring any periods of unemployment I always made sure to send money (I paid cash for a time there; that's what may be slapping me now). I'll get there...
I've been asked to dog/house sit for Precision while he takes his girlfriend and her kids to FL for ten days next month. Since I owe the man big time, I figured it was the least I could do, even if it does mean staying in River Grove. I'll have a bitchin' plasma tv and a jacuzzi which seem to make up for the out of the way commute into work during that period.
Tonight is D.'s last night here, so I'm heading out to Lincoln Square for dinner and a movie. Maybe I should bring some mace in case we get jumped?
I've been asked to dog/house sit for Precision while he takes his girlfriend and her kids to FL for ten days next month. Since I owe the man big time, I figured it was the least I could do, even if it does mean staying in River Grove. I'll have a bitchin' plasma tv and a jacuzzi which seem to make up for the out of the way commute into work during that period.
Tonight is D.'s last night here, so I'm heading out to Lincoln Square for dinner and a movie. Maybe I should bring some mace in case we get jumped?
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Getting the love...I mean property...you want
For the past few weeks, I've been attempting to get my finances (read: credit) on the right track in order to qualify for a decent mortgage. We know the city we want (Park Ridge); it's also a matter of finding a property in the price range I've set up. Thankfully, there are a few that look good and are fairly centrally located (close to school and the Blue Line-with gas as high as it's been, I plan on commuting at least half the work week). I've begun work with a recommended mortgage broker and hopefully will have a plan of action in place this week. I hope to be in some new digs come mid July, in order to meet the residency requirement needed to enroll The Boy in school. If need be, I'm told that as long as I have the contracts signed for the condo, I can legally use Mom's address as temporary residence at the time of school registration. Whew.
My ex-wife has seemingly turned the past 5-6 years of "friendly civility" on its head, resorting to the same immaturity that colored the first few years after the divorce. She seems to be punishing The Boy for his decision to come live with me and continues to make veiled threats if things concerning his schooling and living arrangements are not done to her liking. While we initially agreed to a one year trial in regards to The Boy's living arrangements, I've started to think that I'll need to file for full custody sooner than that. Throughout all this, I can't help but think of all the times no one looked at my son's schoolwork because my ex was too "wiped out" (from cutting hair), and had enough on her plate with her younger daughter. Virtually any suggestion I made was met with "I don't need you to tell me how to parent my children". Okay...
D.'s been in town since early last week and in the midst of all the back and forth to see family (scattered all over, from Chicago to Elburn to Winfield to New Lenox), we've managed to use our time rather...creatively. In addition to seeing me onstage for the first time in over 10 years, D. and I spent some time with her siblings in Lincoln Square (no, the irony was not lost on me, especially considering the proximity) this past weekend. While stuck here at work today, she's in Elburn for her sister's baby shower. Talking about the shower itself, in addition to her brother's newborn son, we realized there's a little bit of "baby fever" in the air. We'd certainly want to plan for a baby very carefully (2-3 years minimum), and I love knowing that I can potentially conceive with someone I know shares the same values I do. She is an amazing mother and I very much look forward to taking that journey with her.
My ex-wife has seemingly turned the past 5-6 years of "friendly civility" on its head, resorting to the same immaturity that colored the first few years after the divorce. She seems to be punishing The Boy for his decision to come live with me and continues to make veiled threats if things concerning his schooling and living arrangements are not done to her liking. While we initially agreed to a one year trial in regards to The Boy's living arrangements, I've started to think that I'll need to file for full custody sooner than that. Throughout all this, I can't help but think of all the times no one looked at my son's schoolwork because my ex was too "wiped out" (from cutting hair), and had enough on her plate with her younger daughter. Virtually any suggestion I made was met with "I don't need you to tell me how to parent my children". Okay...
D.'s been in town since early last week and in the midst of all the back and forth to see family (scattered all over, from Chicago to Elburn to Winfield to New Lenox), we've managed to use our time rather...creatively. In addition to seeing me onstage for the first time in over 10 years, D. and I spent some time with her siblings in Lincoln Square (no, the irony was not lost on me, especially considering the proximity) this past weekend. While stuck here at work today, she's in Elburn for her sister's baby shower. Talking about the shower itself, in addition to her brother's newborn son, we realized there's a little bit of "baby fever" in the air. We'd certainly want to plan for a baby very carefully (2-3 years minimum), and I love knowing that I can potentially conceive with someone I know shares the same values I do. She is an amazing mother and I very much look forward to taking that journey with her.
Monday, May 5, 2008
Monday-the new Sunday
For the month of May (and possibly longer), I've gone back to working two Saturdays a month and gave myself Mondays off during such work weeks. I've also interviewed for the Lead Rep position in a department I'll be heading shortly which, among other things, has me making schedules for myself and those underneath me. The months of hammering the point home that my present manager has no fucking concept of what I do have finally paid off.
Yesterday, The Boy and I headed down to Wicker Park for lunch at Earwax, followed by a performance by Paul Green's School Of Rock playing classic metal. Wouldn't you know it-their cover of "Raining Blood" by Slayer got the most response. Ran into V., who was there with her teenage son. I hadn't seen her in a few years and oddly enough, she...er, smelled the same (she's been wearing the same perfume for 15 years or so now). JB was there as well, as he is now working for the talent company who books at the Subterranean as well as the Beat Kitchen.
Just under a month to go before The Boy heads to MN for the summer. Although I will have him for 1-1/2 weeks come late June and then from August onwards, I am gonna miss him like crazy and plan on making every minute count with the remaining weekends we have left.
I had debated on telling him about the wedding this soon, but seeing a how...er, not so smooth my telling his mom went (I'm sure I'll blog about this soon enough), I figured I'd better tell him before he "accidentally" overhears it coming from her. His first reaction upon learning the news Friday night was that of disbelief; I wasn't wearing my ring as it was getting re-sized (got it back Saturday afternoon-yes!), but when he realized I wasn't joking he really did seem genuinely happy. He repeated what so many other of my close friends and family members have told me the past few years: that I was never happier than I was when I was with D. Hearing that coming from friends and family, sure-it's nice to hear, but from your own son? Whoa. It's no secret that I could have used a bit more discretion in introducing him to some of my exes. Not that there was a revolving door or anything like that-I just knew there were some women that I had no business being with, but in my quest to find...stability or whatever you can call it, I did things that I wouldn't normally have done.
Thinking about getting the car detailed today. It's sorely needed, especially after the boot. The last thing I want to do is to roll up to my aunt's next Sunday with marker written all over my car.
Yesterday, The Boy and I headed down to Wicker Park for lunch at Earwax, followed by a performance by Paul Green's School Of Rock playing classic metal. Wouldn't you know it-their cover of "Raining Blood" by Slayer got the most response. Ran into V., who was there with her teenage son. I hadn't seen her in a few years and oddly enough, she...er, smelled the same (she's been wearing the same perfume for 15 years or so now). JB was there as well, as he is now working for the talent company who books at the Subterranean as well as the Beat Kitchen.
Just under a month to go before The Boy heads to MN for the summer. Although I will have him for 1-1/2 weeks come late June and then from August onwards, I am gonna miss him like crazy and plan on making every minute count with the remaining weekends we have left.
I had debated on telling him about the wedding this soon, but seeing a how...er, not so smooth my telling his mom went (I'm sure I'll blog about this soon enough), I figured I'd better tell him before he "accidentally" overhears it coming from her. His first reaction upon learning the news Friday night was that of disbelief; I wasn't wearing my ring as it was getting re-sized (got it back Saturday afternoon-yes!), but when he realized I wasn't joking he really did seem genuinely happy. He repeated what so many other of my close friends and family members have told me the past few years: that I was never happier than I was when I was with D. Hearing that coming from friends and family, sure-it's nice to hear, but from your own son? Whoa. It's no secret that I could have used a bit more discretion in introducing him to some of my exes. Not that there was a revolving door or anything like that-I just knew there were some women that I had no business being with, but in my quest to find...stability or whatever you can call it, I did things that I wouldn't normally have done.
Thinking about getting the car detailed today. It's sorely needed, especially after the boot. The last thing I want to do is to roll up to my aunt's next Sunday with marker written all over my car.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
So it begins...
This week's Early Warnings in the Chicago Reader alerted me to more Spring/Summer Chicago festivals. First up is the Do-Division Festival May 31st-June 1st, featuring Lucero, Ted Leo and Frightened Rabbit; June 28th and 29th is the Belmont Arts & Music Festival featuring Cursive, Maritime and American Music Club. This one will be the first one to skip as I will have The Boy that week. Finally, there's this year's Wicker Park Fest with Isis, Red Sparowes and Film School. This one makes me very happy, though it is the week after the Pitchfork Music Festival.
Speaking of Pitchfork, they've revealed the rest of their lineup and with Sebadoh added as the 3rd band on the Friday, it looks like I'll be getting a 3 day pass after all.
Somewhere in the midst of all this rock n' roll I'll be scheduling a return trip to Las Vegas. Whew.
Speaking of Pitchfork, they've revealed the rest of their lineup and with Sebadoh added as the 3rd band on the Friday, it looks like I'll be getting a 3 day pass after all.
Somewhere in the midst of all this rock n' roll I'll be scheduling a return trip to Las Vegas. Whew.
Monday, April 28, 2008
Plenty of rest for the wicked
After a late night catching a highly energetic set by Foals at Subterranean and an even later Friday night playing in River Grove (note to self: some folks of Polish descent do not take kindly to being made fun of), I was all too relieved to have nothing to do today but laundry, sleep, and talk to my wife. Wow. My wife. I guess I'm still getting used to that.
K. got into town a few days ago and we were able to meet for dinner last night at Earwax Cafe before heading over to see Foals. Though I am far from vegetarian, nothing beats Earwax's sloppy seitan. Ran into some old friends after K. took off who were stoked to hear the big news and was introduced to some of Foals' road crew by my (soon-to-be former?) drummer.
While at the show last night, I caught a flyer for next weekend's two shows featuring The Paul Green School Of Rock Music tribute to Classic Metal. The Boy and I are so there.
Ugh. Bed time.
K. got into town a few days ago and we were able to meet for dinner last night at Earwax Cafe before heading over to see Foals. Though I am far from vegetarian, nothing beats Earwax's sloppy seitan. Ran into some old friends after K. took off who were stoked to hear the big news and was introduced to some of Foals' road crew by my (soon-to-be former?) drummer.
While at the show last night, I caught a flyer for next weekend's two shows featuring The Paul Green School Of Rock Music tribute to Classic Metal. The Boy and I are so there.
Ugh. Bed time.
Friday, April 25, 2008
Grrr...
Woke up this morning with all the typical flu symptoms: stuffy head, aching all over, basically feeling hungover without drinking. Calling in to work might have been ok if I hadn't already taken Monday and Tuesday off to be in Vegas. Earlier tonight I walked downstairs to head to therapy, only to find "the boot" on my car. Months ago I would've no doubt blew a gasket over this, and looking online to verify the timeline of these tickets reminded me that I have come a long way in regards to my emotional reactions. Tomorrow, Precision has graciously agreed to take me to one of the payment centers and hopefully my car will not be towed on top of this in my absence.
Precision-related, the decision has been made to let our drummer go. He's just not dependable enough and while drummers do have a tendency to be rather flaky, he managed to take flaky up a notch. We have a show Friday night in River Grove which will most likely be his last, hoping to have a replacement set in time for our May 23rd show at the Beat Kitchen.
Ugh...I need to sleep.
Precision-related, the decision has been made to let our drummer go. He's just not dependable enough and while drummers do have a tendency to be rather flaky, he managed to take flaky up a notch. We have a show Friday night in River Grove which will most likely be his last, hoping to have a replacement set in time for our May 23rd show at the Beat Kitchen.
Ugh...I need to sleep.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
4/21/2008
On April 21st, 2008 at 12:30pm Pacific Time, I married the woman of my dreams in a brief but beautiful ceremony. From the moment we stepped out of the chapel as husband and wife through the stroke of midnight later that evening/morning, every step we took together was more amazing and more romantic than the last. Dinner that night at Il Fornaio was simply stunning and the walks along The Strip felt exhilarating to say the least. Nauseous yet? Tough shit.
Some of you are no doubt wondering just how impulsively I/we acted on the decision to get married; the fact is, we planned to go through with it a few weeks back, realizing that after all this time apart, the fact that we came back together and never fell out of love (if anything, the love this time around is even more intense) was all we needed to make it official. My wife was with me at the lowest point of my life (the death of my father) and weathered the grief, the anger and frustration the best that she could. When we split in 2005, we always said if this was meant to be then we'd find our way back together. She never left my heart or my thoughts, try as hard as I did to move on without her.
We've talked about what this marriage will have to endure-namely, the distance for the next several months as she finishes up school out in Las Vegas and continues to save up for the move back home. She knows how important my role in The Boy's life is and understands that we may not actually move in together until Spring/Summer 2009 to give father and son a full year of living together. The two of them do get along rather famously and though it's been some time since either myself or The Boy have spent time with her daughter (The Bean), we've had some great moments together; I do not see that changing once we are reintroduced.
Little by little we are announcing the marriage to friends and family. I spoke to my mom earlier tonight and though she found the logic behind this all unconventional, she did let me know that both her and my stepfather think the world of Vegas and The Bean (they always have) and gave the marriage their blessing (not that it really mattered, mind you, but it certainly didn't hurt).
Countdown to our reunion: just under 4 weeks.
Some of you are no doubt wondering just how impulsively I/we acted on the decision to get married; the fact is, we planned to go through with it a few weeks back, realizing that after all this time apart, the fact that we came back together and never fell out of love (if anything, the love this time around is even more intense) was all we needed to make it official. My wife was with me at the lowest point of my life (the death of my father) and weathered the grief, the anger and frustration the best that she could. When we split in 2005, we always said if this was meant to be then we'd find our way back together. She never left my heart or my thoughts, try as hard as I did to move on without her.
We've talked about what this marriage will have to endure-namely, the distance for the next several months as she finishes up school out in Las Vegas and continues to save up for the move back home. She knows how important my role in The Boy's life is and understands that we may not actually move in together until Spring/Summer 2009 to give father and son a full year of living together. The two of them do get along rather famously and though it's been some time since either myself or The Boy have spent time with her daughter (The Bean), we've had some great moments together; I do not see that changing once we are reintroduced.
Little by little we are announcing the marriage to friends and family. I spoke to my mom earlier tonight and though she found the logic behind this all unconventional, she did let me know that both her and my stepfather think the world of Vegas and The Bean (they always have) and gave the marriage their blessing (not that it really mattered, mind you, but it certainly didn't hurt).
Countdown to our reunion: just under 4 weeks.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Best. Day. Ever.
I married my soulmate yesterday, April 21st, 2008. Euphoric doesn't even begin to describe how I feel. I'll write more when I can find the words.
Holy shit.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Semi-coherent
The Boy is with me this weekend, complete with crabbiness and allergies. He's grounded from the Xbox due to a shitty 3rd quarter report card.
Currently picking out music for my trip to Las Vegas:
Radiohead-In Rainbows
The Field-From Here We Go Sublime
Pete Yorn-Nightcrawler
Superdrag-Last Call For Vitriol
The Damnwells-Air Stereo
Ryan Adams-Heartbreaker
Jimmy Eat World-Chase This Light
Autechre-Quaristice
Squarepusher-Hello Everything
Four Tet-Rounds
Animal Collective-Strawberry Jam
Earth is playing The Note on 4/25. ZTS is playing some Polish bar in the 'burbs. Dammit.
Dear Pitchfork Music Festival: Please add your third band for Friday so I can make my mind whether it's worth getting the 3-day pass or just sticking with the 2-day. As it is, I'm not terribly stoked on catching Public Enemy and I saw Mission Of Burma play a good chunk of Vs. during their last Chicago show at the Double Door. I see the overhyped yawnfest that is Spoon got added on to Sunday's bill along with Les Savy Meh(Fav). Spoon headlining over Spiritualized and Dinosaur Jr.?! My god, people are stupid. Here are the bands playing said festival that I am over the top for:
Saturday, July 19:
Animal Collective
!!!
Atlas Sound
Sunday, July 20:
Dinosaur Jr.
Spiritualized
Boris
Fuck Buttons
The new M83, Saturdays=Youth is a full blown John Hughes movie condensed into roughly 45 minutes. It's incredible.
Currently picking out music for my trip to Las Vegas:
Radiohead-In Rainbows
The Field-From Here We Go Sublime
Pete Yorn-Nightcrawler
Superdrag-Last Call For Vitriol
The Damnwells-Air Stereo
Ryan Adams-Heartbreaker
Jimmy Eat World-Chase This Light
Autechre-Quaristice
Squarepusher-Hello Everything
Four Tet-Rounds
Animal Collective-Strawberry Jam
Earth is playing The Note on 4/25. ZTS is playing some Polish bar in the 'burbs. Dammit.
Dear Pitchfork Music Festival: Please add your third band for Friday so I can make my mind whether it's worth getting the 3-day pass or just sticking with the 2-day. As it is, I'm not terribly stoked on catching Public Enemy and I saw Mission Of Burma play a good chunk of Vs. during their last Chicago show at the Double Door. I see the overhyped yawnfest that is Spoon got added on to Sunday's bill along with Les Savy Meh(Fav). Spoon headlining over Spiritualized and Dinosaur Jr.?! My god, people are stupid. Here are the bands playing said festival that I am over the top for:
Saturday, July 19:
Animal Collective
!!!
Atlas Sound
Sunday, July 20:
Dinosaur Jr.
Spiritualized
Boris
Fuck Buttons
The new M83, Saturdays=Youth is a full blown John Hughes movie condensed into roughly 45 minutes. It's incredible.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Shaving face(book)
Not the most difficult decision of my adult life, I deleted my Facebook account just a bit ago. No real reason to have it-I'd rather keep my social networking sites to one, thank you. I have more than enough present distractions that keep me from reading and writing, so one less diversion can only be for the better.
Gearing up for my Las Vegas trip in a week. Vegas herself booked us reservations at Il Fornaio in New York-New York for next Monday night, after which we plan on seeing some...er, adult shows-namely, Bite. We've been talking about potential visits back and forth over the next few months, most of which are certainly in the realm of possibility (her trip home in May, my planned trip in July, and hers back here late August/September). I'm just glad we're done holding back-the past two months or so have been absolutely amazing and have only reaffirmed our connection.
Heading out now for a special home version of The Boy's parent/student conferences. Let's home The Ex keeps her negativity to a minimum.
Gearing up for my Las Vegas trip in a week. Vegas herself booked us reservations at Il Fornaio in New York-New York for next Monday night, after which we plan on seeing some...er, adult shows-namely, Bite. We've been talking about potential visits back and forth over the next few months, most of which are certainly in the realm of possibility (her trip home in May, my planned trip in July, and hers back here late August/September). I'm just glad we're done holding back-the past two months or so have been absolutely amazing and have only reaffirmed our connection.
Heading out now for a special home version of The Boy's parent/student conferences. Let's home The Ex keeps her negativity to a minimum.
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Lollapalooza 2008 (edited with the worthwhile lineup)
Great fucking Scott, will you look at that lineup:
Radiohead
Rage Against the Machine
Nine Inch Nails
Wilco
The Raconteurs
Love and Rockets
Gnarls Barkley
Bloc Party
Broken Social Scene
Flogging Molly
The National
Explosions in the Sky
Brand New
Stephen Malkmus & The Jicks
Girl Talk
Battles
The Gutter Twins
Yeasayer
Witchcraft
Grizzly Bear
MGMT
The Weakerthans
Black Lips
Foals
Radiohead
Rage Against the Machine
Nine Inch Nails
Wilco
The Raconteurs
Love and Rockets
Gnarls Barkley
Bloc Party
Broken Social Scene
Flogging Molly
The National
Explosions in the Sky
Brand New
Stephen Malkmus & The Jicks
Girl Talk
Battles
The Gutter Twins
Yeasayer
Witchcraft
Grizzly Bear
MGMT
The Weakerthans
Black Lips
Foals
Monday, March 24, 2008
Why, yes
Reading my last blog entry, I can see why some have commented that I seem to have held onto a certain amount of anger toward A; I simply used that relationship (my last one before now) as a frame of reference to indicate that my reconnecting with Vegas (side note: code names to describe former/current people in my life has it's advantages; I regret my previous ridiculing on the matter. Oh, and for the record, my code name is slightly hypocritical coming from the person who bestowed the name upon me...but I digress) is (and has always been) void of any of the...trappings, shall we say, that ultimately led to the downfall of my last relationship.
Easter with the family came and went with little fanfare. My stepuncle is inching closer and closer to dementia, much to the consternation of my stepdad. So many lists with filled with names written down and thrown away; my stepuncle got up several times over the course of dinner to rummage through the trash to find a list of actors from Casablanca. We were told to just ignore him when he asked questions related to his lists. So sad. After eating like a champ, I promptly passed out on the couch, to be awoken be the jumping of my lovely stepniece as the kids all opened up their goodie bags.
No practice this week, so I really need to get these damn taxes done. Procrastination always bites me in the ass. I'm giving some thought to catching Howlin Rain at the Empty Bottle on Thursday night and getting a group together for dinner at Kuma's on Friday. Bring on the working week.
PS. Listen to Yeasayer. You'll thank me later
Easter with the family came and went with little fanfare. My stepuncle is inching closer and closer to dementia, much to the consternation of my stepdad. So many lists with filled with names written down and thrown away; my stepuncle got up several times over the course of dinner to rummage through the trash to find a list of actors from Casablanca. We were told to just ignore him when he asked questions related to his lists. So sad. After eating like a champ, I promptly passed out on the couch, to be awoken be the jumping of my lovely stepniece as the kids all opened up their goodie bags.
No practice this week, so I really need to get these damn taxes done. Procrastination always bites me in the ass. I'm giving some thought to catching Howlin Rain at the Empty Bottle on Thursday night and getting a group together for dinner at Kuma's on Friday. Bring on the working week.
PS. Listen to Yeasayer. You'll thank me later
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Viva, etc.
I booked my flight and hotel to Vegas for next month, not exactly impulsively but nonetheless exciting as D. and I truly want this more than anything. We've done so much talking, clearing the air and purging any guilt that we may have had over the years. I listened and accepted and forgave and she did the same (I divulged everything, including the pregnancy). I can see in hindsight what I've missed in a relationship and I see that everyone I've been with has been compared to her. You know how when you're with someone and in the midst of sex you may occasionally think of someone else? I never thought of anyone else when I was with D. and she became that "someone else" much more than "occasionally" in each subsequent relationship. With D., I've never felt the urge to get up in the midst of dinner and leave out of frustration; I've never had to physically remove her from a doorway to so that I can leave and calm down. There has never a battle over control with her; she gets along famously with my friends and if left alone, she could make conversation and never gripe about being "marginalized".
In short, I've gotten back what I've missed over the past 2 years and I plan on making damn sure I don't make the same mistake again.
In short, I've gotten back what I've missed over the past 2 years and I plan on making damn sure I don't make the same mistake again.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Lazy Saturday
I need to think about getting motivated today. Getting my taxes done, for one. Then again, it's hard to peel myself off the couch when I didn't get home until after 3:00am. Last night, ZTS played waaaay out in Barrington, supporting a "horror rock" band that Precision has recorded and befriended. The two openers were friends of hours and didn't disappoint. I'd like to consider myself fairly open-minded when it comes to music, but I am hard pressed to find anything positive to say about last night's headliners. We played pretty well, I thought, and we seemed to win a few more fans over.
After my weekend with The Boy ended, I sat down with his mom and stepdad to discuss the changes due to take place. It was decided that L. will stay with them until early August, regardless whether or not their house is sold and they head to MN. He'll be flown up to MN and back one weekend a month once school starts and will be spending summer with them as well. As far as the living arrangements go, my days here in scenic Mayfair are numbered, and I will be moving up to Park Ridge, if not Des Plaines (possible condo offer through a bandmate) mid-summer.
Vegas' visit was brief but wonderful. So much so, that we've decided to give the relationship another try, visiting each other on a semi-regular basis until she moves back at the end of the year. In recent weeks, we've unloaded quit a bit on each other, overturning every stone no matter how painful. With all cards out, we realized neither wanted to run away and so here we are.
After my weekend with The Boy ended, I sat down with his mom and stepdad to discuss the changes due to take place. It was decided that L. will stay with them until early August, regardless whether or not their house is sold and they head to MN. He'll be flown up to MN and back one weekend a month once school starts and will be spending summer with them as well. As far as the living arrangements go, my days here in scenic Mayfair are numbered, and I will be moving up to Park Ridge, if not Des Plaines (possible condo offer through a bandmate) mid-summer.
Vegas' visit was brief but wonderful. So much so, that we've decided to give the relationship another try, visiting each other on a semi-regular basis until she moves back at the end of the year. In recent weeks, we've unloaded quit a bit on each other, overturning every stone no matter how painful. With all cards out, we realized neither wanted to run away and so here we are.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Overdue update
Here I am at 1:30 AM listening to The Warlocks when I should be sleeping-Vegas' flight arrives in 4 hours. We seem to be settling into a good place and she's treated herself to trip home to see me and her family. We owe it to ourselves to spend some time together.
Jesus, where to begin? I suppose I should start with the most significant news of all, that The Boy will be living with me permanently come June of this year. My ex's husband was given a promotion and an offer to run a pharmacy in St. Paul, MN and The Boy was given the choice on where he'd wish to live. He chose Chicago. Of course life as I have been living it will change-no more random shows mid week for one-and that's ok. I've wanted this more than anything and I've got the support of family and friends while I make the necessary adjustments. One such change will be a move out of the city, up Northwest to ideally Park Ridge as the public schools in that area are far better than those in Chicago. I'd love it if I can get into some sort of house rental situation or perhaps I can finally put a down payment on a condo of my own.
On the band front, things are getting better and better. We had our first out of town trek this past weekend (to Wisconsin) where I got my first taste of how the other guys'd behave. For starters, The Fin appears to be the band whiner; Lk the buffoon-came close to breaking his nose when he drunkenly woke me up just as I fell asleep. Earlier that week Precision and I were interviewed on Q101 which was not terribly awkward. More reps from Q101 were at last Friday's show at The Note and asked if we'd be interested in playing a local showcase, most likely at Metro. We'll see where that goes. The EP is selling briskly; 100 cd's sold out via online orders in just under 3 days. Guess we are on a roll after all.
Jesus, where to begin? I suppose I should start with the most significant news of all, that The Boy will be living with me permanently come June of this year. My ex's husband was given a promotion and an offer to run a pharmacy in St. Paul, MN and The Boy was given the choice on where he'd wish to live. He chose Chicago. Of course life as I have been living it will change-no more random shows mid week for one-and that's ok. I've wanted this more than anything and I've got the support of family and friends while I make the necessary adjustments. One such change will be a move out of the city, up Northwest to ideally Park Ridge as the public schools in that area are far better than those in Chicago. I'd love it if I can get into some sort of house rental situation or perhaps I can finally put a down payment on a condo of my own.
On the band front, things are getting better and better. We had our first out of town trek this past weekend (to Wisconsin) where I got my first taste of how the other guys'd behave. For starters, The Fin appears to be the band whiner; Lk the buffoon-came close to breaking his nose when he drunkenly woke me up just as I fell asleep. Earlier that week Precision and I were interviewed on Q101 which was not terribly awkward. More reps from Q101 were at last Friday's show at The Note and asked if we'd be interested in playing a local showcase, most likely at Metro. We'll see where that goes. The EP is selling briskly; 100 cd's sold out via online orders in just under 3 days. Guess we are on a roll after all.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Every Day Is Like Sunday
I really need to get interested in doing laundry today, but looking outside, all I feel like doing is laying down on the couch and watching the Extras dvd I rented from Netflix. This morning's view has the look of...I don't know, just dread-like everyone outside is staring down at their shuffling feet as they struggle to get from one place to another, struggling to find the inspiration to interact with one another.
Headed to the Metro solo last night to catch Super Furry Animals. To the uninformed, take a pre-Soft Bulletin Flaming Lips and cross them with the Beach Boys and you'll get the idea. Compared to the extravaganza that was their last Chicago show, I was a bit underwhelmed, but I did read ahead of time that they'd be scaling back the stage show. Musically, they did their best to cover every album released since their debut in 1996 so the breadth of material was indeed vast. Support band Times New Viking seem to be riding some sort of buzz band wave as they've been mentioned everywhere. Maybe it was just last night, but their "lo-fi 'til we die" approach grew tiresome pretty quickly.
Friday night saw me playing in the South Loop again, this time with the mighty Pegboy. A. made it out (most likely because she didn't have to pay, hahaha), and having not seen her in close to 6 months, looked better than ever (that's a free compliment, the next one'll cost ya!). That night I'm sure I was way too critical for my own good, but I was not impressed with my performance onstage. Subtle nuances in certain songs were fluffed and I thought I ate shit on our last song, an 88FL "cover" (the irony was not lost on the fact that a very gracious Mr. Rise Against came out to the show). Nevertheless, I was stoked to get the chance to play with one of my favorite punk bands and look forward to our upcoming show at The Note on 2/29.
Vegas has been more or less in the picture for a few months now, and even more so the past few weeks. Call it nostalgia, or the fact that she heard the song I wrote about her, but she's come back in a big way. It's hard not to get caught up in the history of what made us so great without thinking of what drove us apart. Then again, why is it that we continue to find each other even after not speaking for several months? I hate thinking about that too much, so for now I'll just enjoy the ride, knowing at some point I'll jump out before hitting the wall. I'll be doing my best to keep the pining to a minimum (so far so good).
Headed to the Metro solo last night to catch Super Furry Animals. To the uninformed, take a pre-Soft Bulletin Flaming Lips and cross them with the Beach Boys and you'll get the idea. Compared to the extravaganza that was their last Chicago show, I was a bit underwhelmed, but I did read ahead of time that they'd be scaling back the stage show. Musically, they did their best to cover every album released since their debut in 1996 so the breadth of material was indeed vast. Support band Times New Viking seem to be riding some sort of buzz band wave as they've been mentioned everywhere. Maybe it was just last night, but their "lo-fi 'til we die" approach grew tiresome pretty quickly.
Friday night saw me playing in the South Loop again, this time with the mighty Pegboy. A. made it out (most likely because she didn't have to pay, hahaha), and having not seen her in close to 6 months, looked better than ever (that's a free compliment, the next one'll cost ya!). That night I'm sure I was way too critical for my own good, but I was not impressed with my performance onstage. Subtle nuances in certain songs were fluffed and I thought I ate shit on our last song, an 88FL "cover" (the irony was not lost on the fact that a very gracious Mr. Rise Against came out to the show). Nevertheless, I was stoked to get the chance to play with one of my favorite punk bands and look forward to our upcoming show at The Note on 2/29.
Vegas has been more or less in the picture for a few months now, and even more so the past few weeks. Call it nostalgia, or the fact that she heard the song I wrote about her, but she's come back in a big way. It's hard not to get caught up in the history of what made us so great without thinking of what drove us apart. Then again, why is it that we continue to find each other even after not speaking for several months? I hate thinking about that too much, so for now I'll just enjoy the ride, knowing at some point I'll jump out before hitting the wall. I'll be doing my best to keep the pining to a minimum (so far so good).
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Caught in the grip of a sinking ship.
Yes, I titled my latest blog entry after one of my own lyrics. I get to do that because I am...modest. Tonight wrapped up 4 days of recording the first proper ZTS demo, and not a moment too soon as we play with Pegboy this Friday (an All Ages one at that-yay kids!).
Sleep has been in short supply as of late. I've been restless, but not too irritable or discontent. I am used to hitting the pillow no later than 1:00 AM on most days but lately have been drifting off closer to 3:00 AM, and in the case of this past Friday night, up until 5:00 AM. I'd love to know what's causing this.
Evidently M. and I are no longer friends. She's denied it had anything to do with my not wanting to explore a romantic relationship with her, but it seems like opening up to her about past relationships and my desire to want to mend fences with some of them was too much for her. Oh, and apparently I was supposed to be mad at whoever she was/is mad at. Sorry, I prefer playing Switzerland than to get caught up in yet another woman's petty drama.
Ok, forget what I said about not really being irritable or discontent.
Sleep has been in short supply as of late. I've been restless, but not too irritable or discontent. I am used to hitting the pillow no later than 1:00 AM on most days but lately have been drifting off closer to 3:00 AM, and in the case of this past Friday night, up until 5:00 AM. I'd love to know what's causing this.
Evidently M. and I are no longer friends. She's denied it had anything to do with my not wanting to explore a romantic relationship with her, but it seems like opening up to her about past relationships and my desire to want to mend fences with some of them was too much for her. Oh, and apparently I was supposed to be mad at whoever she was/is mad at. Sorry, I prefer playing Switzerland than to get caught up in yet another woman's petty drama.
Ok, forget what I said about not really being irritable or discontent.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Recording, Day One: Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly
Tonight after work began the first of three vocals sessions for the proposed ZTS demo. I'd not been over to Precision's family's house in close to 9 years, when 88FL still practiced there. I'd been a bit anxious in the days leading up to the studio-the usual fears of thrashing my voice or the general insecurities surrounding the songs themselves. Are they that good? The difference between going over songs in the studio as opposed to belting them out in a live setting is striking; thankfully, it didn't take more than a run-through of the first tracked song to convince myself that this band is most definitely onto something. Tonight we worked on "The Will", written about my alcoholic bottom, as well as "Catastrophe Awaits", a song written in the immensely frustrating first few days of Autumn.
From this past Friday through this afternoon, I've been able to reconnect with some old friends in the program. The embarrassment of the past several months having subsided, I reached out and let such friends know I'd been thinking of them. I can't honestly tell you when and if I will ever walk into another AA meeting, but it's important for me to stay connected with people who came into my life and made it that much more rewarding.
From this past Friday through this afternoon, I've been able to reconnect with some old friends in the program. The embarrassment of the past several months having subsided, I reached out and let such friends know I'd been thinking of them. I can't honestly tell you when and if I will ever walk into another AA meeting, but it's important for me to stay connected with people who came into my life and made it that much more rewarding.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
My toes...dude, I can't feel my toes!
It is under the comfort of a warm blanket that I can report on the happenings of this weekend. AZB flew in Thursday afternoon and in the days-no, weeks preceding her visit, I began to feel that all too familiar emotion of anxiety. As I've experienced in the not too distant past, things with us developed via e-mails and phone calls, and knowing full well that I am in no frame of mind to handle anything serious (well, what I want I can't have), I reveled in the knowledge that someone thought so highly of me that they were willing to fly across the country to hang out for the weekend. What started off as excitement late last year turned to anxiety as I soon realized someone I barely knew was going to be staying with me for four days and three nights. I've come to really enjoy having my own time and this feeling of disruption really knocked me out of sorts.
Last Thursday I picked AZB up at the Montrose Blue Line and we headed back to my apartment so she could shower and we were soon out to Kuma's for dinner. That night, rather than brave the arctic outside, we watched Idiocracy. While the sleeping arrangements weren't necessarily discussed, I managed to pass out early on the couch-another winter cold kicking my ass.
The next day I invented a scenario in which I could have some "me" time, so I dropped her off at the Blue Line and ran errands (including much needed "zen time" at Borders). Some friends of hers had invited us to a party/jam session that night and as my "scenario" included an overnight stay, she stayed over there and I had the entire night to myself. It's only now that I realize what a fucked up decision that was. I wish I could have just said that I'd like to just stay in Friday night; you have fun drinking and smoking with your friends, but I didn't so I'm left feeling embarrassed.
After picking her up Saturday afternoon we headed back to the apartment and napped most of the afternoon before heading to D.'s house to load up the new van and head to the show in Hillside. Not a fan of The Brauerhouse I gotta tell you, but we played a great set (shitty monitors notwithstanding), and it was good to talk to an old bandmate and his not so little brothers after 10+ years. While there, AZB got a little...um, touchy feely so I made it a point to keep my distance in the hope that D.'s girlfriend could talk her ear off (mission accomplished!). Our night there had already ended on the late side and a few minutes down the road from the bar, we ran out of diesel fuel. As soon as we came to a complete stop, panic set in in the form of D.'s girlfriend losing her shit. She proceeded to tell anyone that would listen that her body cools much quicker than anyone else. Rather than ask what the medical name for this condition is, I kept quiet while the others were able to contact one of the opening bands in addition to flagging down a car for help. Eventually we were able to throw 5 gallons of diesel into the van and headed back to River Grove. After a quick cup of coffee, we got back home just after 4:00am where I took the bed and she, the couch.
Over lunch at Noodles & Company today, I apologized for being emotionally distant and thanked AZB for coming out. I also gave her the opportunity to express what she had felt prior to flying out and while here, an opportunity I freely admit to not giving to virtually anyone else in my life for the past few years out of fear of conflict. Maybe this was easy to do because she would fly home and I could choose not to communicate with her anymore. At any rate, we caught a 1:45pm showing of The Orphanage and hung out at Barnes and Noble before dropping her off at the airport earlier this evening.
Now more than ever, I realize that the problem concerning the women in my life is more my issues than anything else. As I used to hear in the rooms, it's all about progress, not perfection, and I am far from perfect.
Last Thursday I picked AZB up at the Montrose Blue Line and we headed back to my apartment so she could shower and we were soon out to Kuma's for dinner. That night, rather than brave the arctic outside, we watched Idiocracy. While the sleeping arrangements weren't necessarily discussed, I managed to pass out early on the couch-another winter cold kicking my ass.
The next day I invented a scenario in which I could have some "me" time, so I dropped her off at the Blue Line and ran errands (including much needed "zen time" at Borders). Some friends of hers had invited us to a party/jam session that night and as my "scenario" included an overnight stay, she stayed over there and I had the entire night to myself. It's only now that I realize what a fucked up decision that was. I wish I could have just said that I'd like to just stay in Friday night; you have fun drinking and smoking with your friends, but I didn't so I'm left feeling embarrassed.
After picking her up Saturday afternoon we headed back to the apartment and napped most of the afternoon before heading to D.'s house to load up the new van and head to the show in Hillside. Not a fan of The Brauerhouse I gotta tell you, but we played a great set (shitty monitors notwithstanding), and it was good to talk to an old bandmate and his not so little brothers after 10+ years. While there, AZB got a little...um, touchy feely so I made it a point to keep my distance in the hope that D.'s girlfriend could talk her ear off (mission accomplished!). Our night there had already ended on the late side and a few minutes down the road from the bar, we ran out of diesel fuel. As soon as we came to a complete stop, panic set in in the form of D.'s girlfriend losing her shit. She proceeded to tell anyone that would listen that her body cools much quicker than anyone else. Rather than ask what the medical name for this condition is, I kept quiet while the others were able to contact one of the opening bands in addition to flagging down a car for help. Eventually we were able to throw 5 gallons of diesel into the van and headed back to River Grove. After a quick cup of coffee, we got back home just after 4:00am where I took the bed and she, the couch.
Over lunch at Noodles & Company today, I apologized for being emotionally distant and thanked AZB for coming out. I also gave her the opportunity to express what she had felt prior to flying out and while here, an opportunity I freely admit to not giving to virtually anyone else in my life for the past few years out of fear of conflict. Maybe this was easy to do because she would fly home and I could choose not to communicate with her anymore. At any rate, we caught a 1:45pm showing of The Orphanage and hung out at Barnes and Noble before dropping her off at the airport earlier this evening.
Now more than ever, I realize that the problem concerning the women in my life is more my issues than anything else. As I used to hear in the rooms, it's all about progress, not perfection, and I am far from perfect.
Monday, January 7, 2008
Rules and regulations-phooey!
Starting out 2008 here at work with Big Brother putting blocks on some of more popular websites such as a certain networking site I, uh...frequent. I suppose it's for the best. In their not-so-infinite wisdom, they've also blocked Google. This of course makes perfect sense when you are researching locations for members/clients and you need to get more info. They've yet to block gmail, obviously.
Tried watching Thank You For Smoking last night, only to get through 30 minutes before the skipping/freezing took place. Thanks, Netflix! I drove out to the 'burbs Saturday to grab The Boy and meet D. for I Am Legend at the IMAX. Better still was the 7 minute teaser of The Dark Night. Sunday was nice and lazy, just the way I like to end the weekend.
Hoping to get in the studio and rock some vocals this week. We'll see what DP's schedule's like.
Tried watching Thank You For Smoking last night, only to get through 30 minutes before the skipping/freezing took place. Thanks, Netflix! I drove out to the 'burbs Saturday to grab The Boy and meet D. for I Am Legend at the IMAX. Better still was the 7 minute teaser of The Dark Night. Sunday was nice and lazy, just the way I like to end the weekend.
Hoping to get in the studio and rock some vocals this week. We'll see what DP's schedule's like.
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